Cuba and the Words : I Love You
I have just read the thread 'More Love Than Common Sense' and it made me think about those three words... 'I Love You'.
Why is it that only in Cuba those words have such a hollow sound. Why do those three words, when uttered by a Cuban instill in you a pressure, a kind of expectation from him that now he's said it you're his 'Mujer', his property?.
We are living in 2010. We study, work, earn our living. We expect our partners to not be a leech or burden upon us.
Most women with a sense of self respect would never maintain a man.
So why is it when a Cuban man tell you those three words in the space of a week do so many women feel insecure, and pressurised as opposed to being overjoyed?.
I'll tell you why. It's because we are listening to our gut instinct which is telling us something is not right.
I am not talking about the sleazy male whores, the players who work the resorts of Varardero, Jibacoa, Guardalavaca, and who change women faster than their change their pants, the guys who own ipods, iphones and the latest brand name clothing.
I'm talking about the regular Cuban guy, living in a small town far from any tourist resort.
You know he has no access to the internet at home, and is on a limited income. yet the emails arrive fast and furious and have a repetitiveness about them. 'Te Quiero Mucho' Te Estranjar' Muchos Bessos' Abrazos, etc. etc.
Usually from different email accounts, with diverse style of writing. So you get to wonder if it's him sitting at the computer, or his friend or family member with access to the net.
When you question this you are met with a sense of outrage that you dare to think that way, that you dare to doubt them, not trust them.
Always the question 'When are You returning'? I miss you so much'.
No information at all about their daily life, friends family work what they did that weekend. When asked it's "Oh just work, played dominos' etc. All very innocent.
The continued proclomatons of ..'Te Quiero Mucho' 'Te Estranjar' can wear very thin after a year.
They put a pressure on you. Do you want to pay for another expensive trip to Cuba, and travelling to a small town and staying independently works out a lot more expensive than a package holiday. Cuba as we all know is not a cheap country for tourists.
They may live with local peso economy. We pay through the nose and with dollars, Euros, or CUC.
When you do return they will always have a casa they have arranged for you, will take you to. You ask in advance, how much and are met with ''O muy Barrato', very cheap.
You ask again. 'Oh 15 cuc' Yet you know there are so many possible nicer recommended casas in the town which you would like to see, check out after all you are paying and know you could negotiate for a fortnight stay.
You also wonder if he could be making a commission, and then feel bad about not trusting them.
After all he has paid to send over a year's worth of emails so would the commission on a casa be a sufficient payback?
These are the thoughts which go through the mind of any woman who has been on the receiving end of those words 'Te Quiero Mucho', 'Te Estranjar'.
And having shared our stories on here is it any wonder that women begin to doubt the sincerity of those words. And why they actually have a hollow ring and place a real sense of pressure as opposed to joy.
COMMENTS by Vic webmaster
Well you can travel to Cuba and stay in an all inclusive hotel and have a beach, sun and fun vacation. This is a cheap vacation that can compete with the Dominican Republic or the Spanish Costas. The majority of the foreign tourists enjoy this kind of vacation in Cuba and there is nothing wrong with this vacations.
Another way to travel to Cuba, is discovering the real Cuban spirit as a traveller not a tourist, this is not easy and requires a lot of research and experience. Learn and read about the sufferings of the Cuban people first under the Spaniards, than dictators such as Batista, the struggle to survive during the 'special period' etc. The perception of the Cubans is that a Yuma (foreigner) will never understand their sufferings. They call it 'INVENTAR su vida' inventing the daily survival. Last time a Cuban said to me when we were eating, do you know that most Cubans while eating think about the question will there be a meal for me tomorrow? So when a traveller goes to Cuba he/she has to learn about sensitivities and practices. It's a long process, I have been cheated and scammed several times.
But I learnt a lot too, I consider the lost money
as a part of my 'Cuban education'. But after years of intensive travels to Cuba I can detect most of the cheating with eyes closed. I recognize the patterns. One rule is don't let the Cuban take the initiative. Don't let them guide you to bar, restaurant, casa, taxi, shop etc. It's your money you are in command. Another rule don't believe anything unless they can proof it with hard facts, make it a habit to check everything, check prices, check your bill in restaurants, bars, taxis etc. Cuba is notorious for shortchanging even in banks. Count your money! Most foreigners make the mistake to trust a Cuban easily. Trust is a precious thing, that has to be built during years. When you go to a foreign country and you meet a person do you trust him/her after a vacation of 14 days? Some people do, and complain about it. Trust is a process of many years. Each time you have to check and re-check your trusted partner. Let me ask you a question, when you are in your home town and you meet a complete stranger, he talks to you and says that he loves you, that you are the one etc. That he want to see you again that, that you have to trust him etc. Do you believe him? Do you trust him? I guess that most people will take it as a joke and leave. But in a foreign country and an other culture some people see it as an acceptable practice.