Cuban love in NZ

by Topaz

Has anyone else experienced the jinetero behaviour, by Cubans living in Wellington? Earlier this year I met a Cuban man, we became friends then months later, lovers. He told me he had only arrived in NZ this year but had a job here for two years. He assured me from the outset that he didn't need anything from me (wasn't looking for money or a home) and that he wanted a serious relationship. He asked me to go to Cuba with him for a holiday, then he asked me to marry him.

A few weeks later his behaviour towards me changed. He became very controlling and angry for no reason and he ignored me for days as 'punishment' if I went out with my friends or to the gym or if I was simply not waiting by the phone for him to call 24/7. The relationship soon ended.

I have since found out he had arrived in NZ a year earlier than he'd previously claimed, he had formed a similar relationship with another woman (contrary to him telling me he'd not had a girfriend since he'd left Cuba) and to top it all off, it turns out he has a wife living with him in NZ.

I believe he intends leaving his wife if he can find a NZer to marry before the end of the year, when he is due to return to Cuba.

While I understand the dire circumstances under which Cubans live in their own country, and I can understand why marriage to a NZer is very attractive, he should have been honest right from the start. All relationships are based on reciprocity and had he been honest, loving and respectful I may very well have married him.

I'm now suspicious about his marriage and wonder if he and his wife have the same plan - to form relationships with NZers then once they have residency in NZ, leave their respective new partners to get back together with each other.

Fortunately for me he could not control his anger and black moods long enough to convince me that he was genuine and I think I have had a lucky escape with no financial loss.