Love and Trust in Cuba
Is there a way to make things easier?
Thank you to so many honest stories on this website. I've learned lots about the circumstances anyone would face dating/falling for a Cuban. There are goods, bads and terribles.
Been reading quite a bit of posts regarding con men and scamming relationships here, so I'm well aware of the situation. Even then, I feel the relationship have with this Cubano is very real. Fortunately, he has a privilege life on the island without facing major financial difficulties like other Cubans. He also had traveled for many places in Europe. I've stayed at his beautiful home when I'm on the island and have met his lovely family.
We connect really well in my levels and the relationship is extremely special. I have never felt this way before, knowing that I'm very picky and fortunate to have lots of good options all around me. Never thought that I could find something like this in Cuba.
So the concern of my story is not about scam nor trust.
And of course trust can only be strengthen with time.
We're also fortunately enough to be able to communicate by phone and email more regularly than most couples could. And the effort is both sides.
Here are some of my concerns and I hope your experiences can help me understand what I'm getting myself into.
1. How can I get to know him more if I would not move to the island nor spend more than 1-2 weeks at the time?
2. I would not marry him if I don't get to know him well by spending lots of quality time together. Is our relationship running into a dead end?
3. What if he's the one? How can I be sure if I don't get to spend time with him?
4. Though we're fortunate, regular communication is still too difficult. Hence, for a normal relationship to develop in a year, it might take us several years. Also, being in our late 30s and never been married, wanting to have kids, time is also an issue.
5. If things work out, suppose we get married 2 years later, realistically, how long can I bring him to Canada? Would that take antoher three years?
6. When an established man has to start from scratch to build a new life, leaving his sunny island behind to struggle with the basic in the cold Canadian winters? Would he make it?
7. And even with smooth sailing and in the best case scenario, it might takes 5-7 years until we can comfortably have kids.
8. The worst scenario is that after 5-7 years, we struggle and struggle and realize that no matter how hard we try, too many things couldn't fit together and love alone is not enough.
9. Understanding all this, I still want to take the harder route. Can you help me see things a bit clearer? Some days I feel that I don't care what's going to happen, I'll give this beautiful relationship a try anyway. Other days, I feel that maybe I shouldn't. If I fall in love so deep and couldn't get out anymore.. And then it might take 5 years for me to realize the dead end of the romance.
Is there a way to make the journey of this relationship easier so that I can commit myself like a normal relationship with ease?
Thank you so much for sharing.
Answer by Vic Webmaster
Let me share my experience: You have to
accept that only 10-20% of all marriages in Cuba are successful. (Not much better in most other countries). Most marriages "have no easy way" you have to learn each other, accept the bad and good things, survive together bad times and good times.
This all takes lots of acceptance and goodwill and love. In one word a good marriage is a lot of work, there's no easy way! The easy way is to divorce each time and start again. So it's very important that there's mutual attraction and similarities and at the same time acceptance of the other partner. So it's important you take your time to learn your partner and to build trust. How? Well try to expose your partner (and yourself) to different, sometimes a bit extreme situations. How does he react? I learnt a lot about the reactions of my Cuban wife when we argue (not all the time). How does he react to other people, poor people, rich people, can he laugh in desperate situations? Can he handle conflict situations? Many Cuban men blame their partner. A few questions, if he has no financial problems like most Cubans do, he probably can maintain you in Cuba. Go to Cuba and live for 3 or 6 months together, to learn each other. Why does he want to come to Canada? How will he earn an income in Canada? Note that many Cubans are homesick after a few years in a foreign country, don't underestimate the "Culture shock". Is he prepared to integrate? Or will he frequent Cuban cirles in Canada? A long distance relation is very difficult and often (not always) a dead end. Do you expect that a Cuban partner will live like a Monk in a distant relationship? In Cuba sex is cheaper than a drink. I don't want to be negative, but you should give your relation more time to evolve, but also take a look at the financial picture, many relations in Cuba are destroyed by financial problems.
Wish you all the best.