logo for havana-guide.com
leftimage-3col for havana-guide.com

Love and Trust in Cuba

by Elsueno

Is there a way to make things easier?
Thank you to so many honest stories on this website. I've learned lots about the circumstances anyone would face dating/falling for a Cuban. There are goods, bads and terribles.
Been reading quite a bit of posts regarding con men and scamming relationships here, so I'm well aware of the situation. Even then, I feel the relationship have with this Cubano is very real. Fortunately, he has a privilege life on the island without facing major financial difficulties like other Cubans. He also had traveled for many places in Europe. I've stayed at his beautiful home when I'm on the island and have met his lovely family.
We connect really well in my levels and the relationship is extremely special. I have never felt this way before, knowing that I'm very picky and fortunate to have lots of good options all around me. Never thought that I could find something like this in Cuba.
So the concern of my story is not about scam nor trust.
And of course trust can only be strengthen with time.

We're also fortunately enough to be able to communicate by phone and email more regularly than most couples could. And the effort is both sides.

Here are some of my concerns and I hope your experiences can help me understand what I'm getting myself into.

1. How can I get to know him more if I would not move to the island nor spend more than 1-2 weeks at the time?

2. I would not marry him if I don't get to know him well by spending lots of quality time together. Is our relationship running into a dead end?

3. What if he's the one? How can I be sure if I don't get to spend time with him?

4. Though we're fortunate, regular communication is still too difficult. Hence, for a normal relationship to develop in a year, it might take us several years. Also, being in our late 30s and never been married, wanting to have kids, time is also an issue.

5. If things work out, suppose we get married 2 years later, realistically, how long can I bring him to Canada? Would that take antoher three years?

6. When an established man has to start from scratch to build a new life, leaving his sunny island behind to struggle with the basic in the cold Canadian winters? Would he make it?

7. And even with smooth sailing and in the best case scenario, it might takes 5-7 years until we can comfortably have kids.

8. The worst scenario is that after 5-7 years, we struggle and struggle and realize that no matter how hard we try, too many things couldn't fit together and love alone is not enough.

9. Understanding all this, I still want to take the harder route. Can you help me see things a bit clearer? Some days I feel that I don't care what's going to happen, I'll give this beautiful relationship a try anyway. Other days, I feel that maybe I shouldn't. If I fall in love so deep and couldn't get out anymore.. And then it might take 5 years for me to realize the dead end of the romance.

Is there a way to make the journey of this relationship easier so that I can commit myself like a normal relationship with ease?
Thank you so much for sharing.

Answer by Vic Webmaster

Let me share my experience: You have to
accept that only 10-20% of all marriages in Cuba are successful. (Not much better in most other countries). Most marriages "have no easy way" you have to learn each other, accept the bad and good things, survive together bad times and good times.
This all takes lots of acceptance and goodwill and love. In one word a good marriage is a lot of work, there's no easy way! The easy way is to divorce each time and start again. So it's very important that there's mutual attraction and similarities and at the same time acceptance of the other partner. So it's important you take your time to learn your partner and to build trust. How? Well try to expose your partner (and yourself) to different, sometimes a bit extreme situations. How does he react? I learnt a lot about the reactions of my Cuban wife when we argue (not all the time). How does he react to other people, poor people, rich people, can he laugh in desperate situations? Can he handle conflict situations? Many Cuban men blame their partner. A few questions, if he has no financial problems like most Cubans do, he probably can maintain you in Cuba. Go to Cuba and live for 3 or 6 months together, to learn each other. Why does he want to come to Canada? How will he earn an income in Canada? Note that many Cubans are homesick after a few years in a foreign country, don't underestimate the "Culture shock". Is he prepared to integrate? Or will he frequent Cuban cirles in Canada? A long distance relation is very difficult and often (not always) a dead end. Do you expect that a Cuban partner will live like a Monk in a distant relationship? In Cuba sex is cheaper than a drink. I don't want to be negative, but you should give your relation more time to evolve, but also take a look at the financial picture, many relations in Cuba are destroyed by financial problems.
Good Luck!
Wish you all the best.

Comments for Love and Trust in Cuba

Average Rating starstarstarstarstar

Click here to add your own comments

Feb 16, 2017
Cuba NEW
by: Anonymous

Hi I recently came back from holguine in Cuba it was fantastic I met a Cuban guy who was lovely funny and charming. He was very honest and said he had been married but he had cheated so him and his wife split but his girls meant the world he is now in a relationship for 6 years with a 4 year old but said he would like to get to know me more but wouldnt leave his current situation unless he knew we were real. He said he would pay me back if he came to England but also said he was happy with his life in Cuba. He works 6 days a week so I cant see how he would cheat and also said he wants a quiet life now he is 39 and never being out of Cuba. I liked his honesty and will keep in touch

Jan 17, 2017
hard to read NEW
by: Anonymous

i have been reading alot lately on classic love stories with cuban men, and i have not yet been able to be convinced by a postive story. I went to cuba in september of 2016 and met a man at a resort, me and him instantly had a connection, something i never had felt before that moment, of course as every story goes, we spent the rest of my week together, he took me out to the parties and treated me like royalty, when it came time for me to leave it was heartbreaking, we both cried and as soon as i got home i started making plans to return, since september we have talked every day by video chat and email, it has only been 3 months of talking everyday. he gets very jealous and upset when he cant talk to me, which makes me believe his intentions are true. cuban men tend to come cross really strong, and move very fast, which is where my doubt comes in. he already has asked me to marry him and i have only known him for 3 months, i feel like they will say anything to convince you on their "true" intentions. i have grown very strong feelings for this man, and he reciprocates that. you just need to keep a guard up. do not give your all, make you the one in control, never send money if they ask, only offer. i have never once sent money when asked. keep that wall of doubt in your mind, because once you go blind to that, you open the opportunity to get played and hurt. me and my cuban boyfriend are in our early 20's im not an older woman and he isnt a younger man or vice versa, we are the same age and i cant give him a luxuries life, or afford to bring him here, i am still in school and work a part time job, another reason why i have more faith in this relationship

Dec 28, 2016
by: Anonymous

Most of this comments are not true. Yes I'm sure every country has bad people but judging someone just because they are born in a poor country is wrong.
I been with a Cuban man for over 2 years. First we were friends and than we started dating. Everyone tried telling me that his using me to get his papers and money and that I should brake up with him. I followed my heart and didn't listen to anyone. Plus I can not get married to him or anyone else at the moment and he knows that.
I am not rich but I did help him a bit financially and bought him some clothes every-time I went to visit him. We talked everyday on the phone and was not one time that he wouldn't pick up my calls.
But at some point my business was very slow that I could hardly have money to pay my rent. I talked to him about it and he asked me to go to Cuba and live with him there and he will support me financially. He said " it's ok baby, just come here and I will take care of you. It's me and you in good and in bad. So don't stress about it."
He was working hard just to take care of me. I must say that he's the most honest and faithful guy I ever dated in my life.
He's caring and affectionate, and has a hard of gold. He's attractive he can have any woman he wants but he choose to be with me. Someone who's not Cuban. So not all Cubans are bad.

Nov 06, 2016
Not everyone the same NEW
by: Miramar

I traveled to Havana in Feb 2016 and met a beautiful girl in Vedado. I barely could speak or understand Spanish but we tried to communicate with few common words.On my last day meeting her, we chilled and walked the streets holding hands. It was getting late so decided to call it a night. She gave me a hug and a kiss and said "Give me some money to help me" I gave her 50 cuc but she insisted more. I told her "No" and she replied me back " F-You" and left. I was shocked to see her reaction since I paid for her last 4 days of drinks, dinner,disco,shopping, cab rides etc but no appreciation. This is the real Cuba due to poverty and needs and I don't blame nobody. Good luck!

Nov 05, 2015
by: Get Essays Writing Service from Top Site

we offer skilled writers for your help.

Oct 25, 2015
buy followers NEW
by: Anonymous

buy followers It looks like you spend a lot of effort and time on your blog. I have bookmarked it and I am looking forward to reading new articles. Keep up the good work. getting views on youtube

Oct 20, 2015
by: Anonymous

cheats for boom beach I like to recommend exclusively fine plus efficient information and facts, hence notice it: gemmes illimités clash of clans android

Oct 16, 2015
by: Malina

we provide Assignment Writing & editing Help all over the world.

Oct 02, 2015
Economics Statistics Project Help NEW
by: Economics Statistics Project Help

I'm getting excited about this kind of beneficial information of your stuff in the future

Sep 30, 2015
Infusion Greenfield Case Solution NEW
by: Infusion Greenfield Case Solution

Thanks a lot for the post. It has helped me get some nice ideas. I hope I will see some really good result soon.

Sep 02, 2015
Great post NEW
by: Mike Edison

nice topic to share love this cool pics of dog.
Australia Assignment Help for MBA

Mar 11, 2015
reply NEW
by: Cary

I have only heard about situations that people became cheated and all. So when I saw the title of this article, once I get stumbled. I could not believe Elsueno’s words. I don’t know why she has written like this. Electronic health record specialist

Feb 06, 2015
Trust - So Elusive In Cuba NEW
by: Anonymous

Trust is very elusive in Cuba. How can a relationship with a Cuban ever be equal, when he/she is struggling to get by on 25CUC a month and knows every trick in the book on how to survive, charm, con and hustle.

Cubans are very attractive people and play on this and also their immense charm which they can turn on in the blink of an eye. Be wary of that false charm, the flashing smile that lights up when they see you as a possible mug to be taken for granted. They have perfected the art of lying down to a fine art.

If they work at a resort then for sure you are not the only one who is being played, juggled with four or five or more. It's hard to know how he can remember all of the names, which is why texts and emails start with 'Mi Amor' Mi Vida' much easier than trying to remember the name of the person they are writing to.

Even if they do not work the resorts they are hardly living the life of a monk. They will also be juggling a few local women while popping pills just in case, they can buy these over the counter and are forever taking these pills since they are too arrogant to use a condom.

How can any man or woman 'trust' a Cuban when you can tell they are lying as soon as they open their mouth. It's hard to remove fact from fiction, they will tell you what they think you want to hear.

They never answer a question directly but will twist the words round and it's always you who are in the wrong, never them.

They will neve3r admit to being unfaithful, never be totally honest about their solo nights out reeking of cheap cologne. It's always to a 'reunion' a meeting. 'Cubans like to have meetings, discussions', they will tell you with a huge smile, always trying to please you while lying through their teeth.

Trust is as rare a commodity as snow in Santiago di Cuba in July.

Dec 21, 2014
They Are Never Happy Outside of Cuba! NEW
by: Anonymous

They only way for the relationship to survive is if you could find a way to live there.

They rarely settle outside of Cuba and have an aversion to cold weather.

I married a Cuban man from Santiago. Spent a fortune flying him to the UK. He has never worked a day in the 10 years he has been here and he has cost me a fortune, not only in maintaining him, but also in sending money home to his family.Pus the costly trips back home each year.

He has 'worked' but not in the proper sense of the word. He plays around the Salsa clubs seeing himself as a 'd.j' or 'salsa instructor' but he does not make any money. Certainly not enough to maintain me and out 10 year old daughter.

My advice to you would be leave him there. It rarely works out when they are living in a cold climate.

Oct 11, 2014
You can get back your ex just contact Dr Odudu NEW
by: Anonymous

my name is joshua. I've known joshua for years, When we finally got together things were kind of weird so we broke up which was in February of 2011 In June of 2012 he and I recently got back together and we were together until march of 2013 which he told me he was not interested in relationship again During that time I changed completely, I wasn't eating,I was sleeping a lot, I wasn't talking to anybody, I cried a lot,I'm so depressed and stressed out that I'm scared I'm going to end up in the hospital because of all the stress and depression until one day i search online on getting love tips because I Love & care about him deeply and I just want us to be together as a couple again and I want us to last forever Google recommend me DR.Odudu order100.100@aim.com or call +27743185702 that he will solve my relationship problem then Dr Odudu told me he will come back to me between 48hrs after he cast spell on him never believe it until my fiance called me on the phone and told me he want us to come back and live happy together forever ,Am so happy now that DR Odudu help me bring joshua back to me. Thanks so much DR ODUDU

Sep 28, 2014
by: Anonymous

I want to use this medium to testify of how i got back my husband after divorce, I and my husband have been together for 6 years with 2 kids, last year he filed a divorce against me, i did all i could to stop him but all to no avail until a friend of mine told me about a spell caster on the internet who helps people regain back lost love, when i contacted this spell caster via email he helped me cast a re-union spell and my husband came back to me within 48hours and we are happily together again as one family. Contact this spell caster for your relationship or marriage problems via this email Drlawrencespelltemple@hotmail.com

Sep 22, 2014
RE: The truth I learned over 8 years NEW
by: Mr. Z

You didn't mention which country you are from, but if you get married to this Cuban man, your government will of course let him in more slowly than his government will let him leave. In fact, since last year, most Cubans have been allowed much easier access to leave their country. The only exceptions are highly trained professionals like doctors, but if they pay back the money the government invested in their education and training, they too can leave.

So if this guy is telling you he CAN'T leave, he actually means he WON'T leave. Thank your lucky stars and good luck.

Sep 20, 2014
The Truth I learned over 8 years NEW
by: Anonymous

I can see many ppl on this site are hopeful that their relation with a Cuban would work or be the one. I found mine, and hes is still in Cuba because he was not allowed to leave the island. Most likely never be allowed to leave. I love him dearly, and more with time, even though we have not seen each other for a few years. All I can say is that love is love...no matter what. I can not think whether he has another there, because it would be unfair to ask him to be alone. He is from a poor family so there is no way I can survive living the way he does. And I am not rich enough to go build a house and live of savings since all jobs are closed to outsiders. Only time can show whether the love is real. This is sad, but the true reality. We just have to take this the way it is. Sure I will never forget him, and I will never stop writing to him. This is one of the sad stories...unfortunately.

Apr 27, 2014
Release your fears NEW
by: Anonymous

I find myself in a similar position. Heartbreak will come to us anywhere. We can never be sure of their motivations. We are not living as they are...who can say we would not do the same. I am deciding if I make this commitment to another that I so it not knowing. If I care enough, love enough I will do this and if the end result is only that I helped a man I care about into the country so be it. Canadian men scam just as easily. At least with this beautiful young man I have met I would understand his motivations.

Sep 08, 2013
Some advice?
by: Anonymous

My story is a bit different from the rest in numerous ways. The first being I'm a 19 year old female. I live in Canada and a couple weeks ago I went to Cuba. Now before I tell you about my trip I want to tell you a bit more about myself. I dont want to sound conceded when I say this but I think I'm good looking and I'm young so I already have a big target on my back when I go to places like Cuba. Anyway I went to Cuba a couple weeks ago a met a guy two years older than me. He lives in Cuba but came down to the resort with his younger sister and parents for a vacation (he introduced me to them). So already you can tell he is pretty well off. He introduced himself and we started talking. He told me that he'd be leaving the next day so the least I could do is go to the club with him (he didnt push, he laughed as he asked me to go). I said yes and we had a great night, we came back to the hotel where we had a drink and then we went out separate ways. Nothing intir happened. Just a kiss. The next day he left (giving me a kiss infront of his parents) and I felt like I lost a half of me. I didnt think I would feel that way knowing him for only one day. The day after I got a phone call in my room! He called! He remembered my room number and called the hotel saying he wanted to hear my voice one last time before I leave to go back to Canada. We've kept in touch since over email and Facebook but the obvious worry sets in. Am I just an easy escape to a country of freedom? I have no luck with love in Canada, I've been stood up, forgotten and neglected. This is different. But is it worth it? His words on facebook consists of "since I met you I've had the best of luck" "you changed my life" "I love yoh, you're very special" but is it real? I dont want to get hurt, so is it worth fighting for? I told him I'd show him Canada and he told me he'd show me the world. He has a job, he goes to uuniversity as well. Is he in this for the right reasons? I've only known him for a day.

Aug 13, 2013
Love like it is your first love
by: Anonymous

I went to Cuba a few times and all the relationships with Cuban man were beautiful. My longest distance relationship lasted two years and I don't regret it. It was an amazing experience. Unfortunately I ended it as he was cheating on me.
Then I gave up going to Cuba for almost two years. Meanwhile I met a very nice Cuban man on line where we were chatting and i really started having feelings for him and almost going to to Cuba to meet him. But as I was out in London (my home) i met the most charming man and started a relationship thinking how lucky I am to be with him. Soon I found out he was a cheater and hiding lots of unpleasant secrets. It was the end.
I was confused because from my previous experience with Cuban man I believed they are all users and want just better life in England. But at home I can meet same type of man too. as several weeks passed by I wrote a message to that previous Cuban man I met online (i stopped talking for ten months) asking why don't we meet up for a drink on my next trip to Havana.
He wrote back to me "sorry I am in a relationship with another Cuban partner and I don't think it would be right thing to meet you"
This made me relized that sometimes we hold on to our past experience so this poisons our new relationships by not believing in a new person we meet. And regreting why I let him go ten months ago. Anyway
As a few months passed by and the Cuban man wrote back to me that his relationship is finished as he was dumpped by his partner so we started taking again and then sparkle came back again much stronger and feeling more connected so we started a distance relationship. Now,
I do believe and I don't question my or his feelings because I want a man who is committed to a partner ...if he didn't say to me what he did a few month ago most probably I wouldn't bother speaking to him again. Because if anyone asked him lets meet up for " a drink" I would expect he would say the same to someone whilst being with me.
We have known each other for over a year and have been in a distance relationship over two months. I have never met him!
We speak once a week write twice a week. He shows me photos of this house and family. AND he never asked me for money! And when I offered he simply doesn't care to get it any soon.
I just believe he is the one for me and I am looking forward to meet him. My secret to hipness is TRUST like every person you meet is your first love and you'll have more chances to successed.
Negative thoughts create negative situations! By thinking negative you'll never be happy anywhere...Cuba or at home.
Just believe!

Jul 28, 2013
Prenup and be prepared for divorce
by: Mr. Z

I met a very educated Cuban who worked as a tour guide for Sunwing when I was in Cuba. This man spoke FIVE languages, was okay looking, very charming, and in good shape, so I could see how he could easily land a tourist. He was around 50 and a bit short. I was about 10 years younger than him and am over 6 feet and also had tourists hitting on me. I guess a lot of women go on vacation when they are lonely or maybe just looking for some fun. Anyway, I spoke with him about my Cuban girlfriend situation and he told me that she was beautiful and everything would work out fine - apparently most Cubans will stick together like that. I learned that he met an Italian woman years ago, they "fell in love", she sponsored him, they got married, he moved to Italy and they had a child together. Well, apparently he couldn't get used to living in Italy, so they divorced a few years later and he returned to Cuba and was now with a Cuban woman (much younger of course) and had two children with her. He never told me if he receives/received and money from his Italian ex, but apparently he's doing okay in Cuba.

So even if (and that's a big if) your relationship is 100% genuine, be prepared. Have a prenup, so you won't have to pay him anything if (when) he leaves, and be prepared to be a single mother. When he returns to Cuba, he'll easily find a woman half his age, and to most men that's hard to resist and of course he won't have to or be able to send you any child support or fly back to visit his child once in a while.

I went to the Cuban Embassy in Toronto and received the same advice the other person was giving you here. It's costly and time consuming, and if you consider that over 50% of all marriages between two Canadians with similar backgrounds and much more in common, end in divorce, I think the 10 to 20% chance of success mentioned for you is being extremely optimistic.

Ironically, from everyone I've spoken with, men are actually less likely to be gold-diggers than women, and most of the relationships fall apart because the Cuban man feels impotent in Canada as he can't support his wife or children, becomes depressed by his situation (I'm sure the climate and being away from his mother, family and friends is also a big factor) and eventually heads home, with or without bags of cash from a divorce settlement. So although your chances of not having to become a sugar mamma are better than for a Canadian man not having to become a sugar daddy, the chances of you keeping him happy are less.

I gave up on finding love in Cuba and found a fantastic woman here. It took me a few years, and many terrible dates with obvious Canadian gold-diggers, but it did finally happen (a friend introduced us). I hope you find a decent relationship too, whether or not it's with a Cuban. Good luck, and try to return here and let us know if there was a "happily ever after" for you.

Feb 14, 2012
How to marry in Cuba?
by: Anonymous

This text was supposed to be together with the posting below but since only 300 characters are allow per post. I have to resubmit this again.


If you were born in Canada, it might be simpler. You would need the following:
1) Affidavit of your Single status notarized and translated by a public notary lawyer office. DO NOT DO ANY MARRIAGE SEARCH. It's not recognized as suggested by some forums.

2) Then you need bring a photo copy of your birth certificate to the same office to get them translated into Spanish and notarized it as well.

If you're living in Toronto, there's this law office that is 2 min walking distance from the Cuban Consulate called Brunga Law Office that can do the services for you quickly and reasonably. Both of these documents would cost you around $160-$200.

Then need to get all four documents (2 in spanish & 2 in english) legalized at the Cuban Embassy for $700 at least (the price might change anytime). And they ONLY take cash or money order and the office hours are only from 10-1pm. The website is not bad but sometime you might not find all info you need there.

If you were born outside Canada, ALL steps above are necessary with the additional steps below.

1) Your birth certificate must be certified by the embassy of your birth country and translated to English.

You need around 4 weeks you have all this done.
Anyway, I'll update you with my story once a while and do drop by to share your stories. I do see more heart break stories every day and it's real sad that love got scammed and taken advantage of. It happens everywhere, not just in Cuba. It's a new social problem that our society has to deal with. Even in Canada, there are more single people than married people now. Divorce rate is high everywhere.

So when you find true love, it's definitely rare. And when you find it in this world, you will know it without doubts. However, people change and circumstances change. So follow your heart but remember that love is not everything. It has to work in the real world since you have to live with this person EVERY DAY for the rest of your life (assuming that's the intention anyway).

Good luck to all and please don't blame anyone or anything when your situation doesn't work out. Live and learn and we all can move on.

Feb 14, 2012
Moving forward
by: Elsueno

Hello, it has been a while since I need to come back to this forum for info. Since my situation is moving forward, I thought I should share it with everyone so you can see the positive side of your situation but always be cautious, especially if you're a lady. I heard some situation that by the time she found out that her marriage was not genuine, she is already 6 month pregnant.

In my situation, I decided to move forward with the marriage procedure to sponsor him over. For me, this is a legal procedure but it's not an official marriage until we have our wedding which can be a year or two from now. So no one has to know about this. If things don't work out (because the future is unpredictable), I would consider this is to help him with a better life, a life with freedom. It's worth it if you do it for love.

Depending on the situation, you might always want to consider a prenup which is definitely ok and fair. It's probably something you think it mentally anyway but with the law, things need to be clarified in writing. Another advise that I would give is to think about worse case scenarios of living together in the long run, assuming the relationship is genuine. Will the relationship survive the worst case scenario in facing the reality of finances, career paths, short and long term goals, compatibilities, language barrier and so on if applicable. If you can live with all that you've thought out, then why not going with your heart to find your happiness.

Oct 20, 2011
Don't loose faith in love
by: Elsueno

It has been many months since I come back to this forum. Many new stories arrived, mostly bad/sad b/c that's when people feel the need to express their anger or sadness. It's nice to find a good story once a while.

Dear Honza, thank you for your encouragement. Going with your gut feeling is what I always do and what I can always count on.

Dear the last anonymous, you don't seem to be at peace with yourself. You might not ever experience love in life. Be kind to life and life will be kind back to you.

When the relationship is in the infant state, there's too many unknowns and it's easy to doubt and fear, not only of the others but also of your ownself. It happens anywhere, in Cuba, in Canada or anywhere else on earth. Simply because we're human beings.

When you find love (must be mutual and balanced), there's no more doubt and fear. There's no more calculation. Unfortunately, many of us might not find or experience love in our life time because we fear too much. Fear of failure, fear of hurt, fear of judgement, fear of everything. Unfortunately not many of us know how to love either. Not to say that I know it yet either, I'm still learning and discovering.

I love the speech Steve Jobs made at Stanford Univ about confonting your death and follow your heart. Life is short, why live the life that someone else expects you to? Why not explore and learn. If the destination is the same, would you want to make your journey interesting at least? Why not live honestly and do whatever to minimize regrets?

Just open your heart and open your mind. Follow your guts but learn to be wise. What doesn't kill you make you stronger. Why fear?

Good luck to all.
El sueno

Sep 06, 2011
'Educational Purposes' Yeah Right!
by: Anonymous

You say you are conducting 'research' looking for mugs to partcipate in your documentary for

'Educational Purposes'.

Don't make me laugh!.

What makes you think you can 'Educated' anyone when you clearly lack trust in your Cuban man.

You are the last one to prey on be a voyer to anyone personal affairs for the entertainment of the Canadian public, when you clearly cannot sort out your own life.

As someone previously pointed out you're parasite, like much of today's media, you want to fe a fly on the wall voyer, gloat on other women's misfortune for the entertainment of the mass public while you make a profit.

Why not start with yourself, take a look at your own relationship, why you lack trust in this man, and use your own story as material for your documentary.

Stop poking your nose into other people's lives, it's none of your damn business.

Sort out your own life before you judge and prey on others.

Jul 10, 2011
Re: Why Not 'Follow' Your Own Story?
by: Elsueno

Reading your post, I could see why there are so discuss about one topic can easily turn into personal attack like other posts. Things can easily being taken out of context here.

Documentary is always for the purpose of education and trying to stay close to the truth of as many cases as possible.

Anyway, it was just an idea and only if other people consent of course. The more I look into this, the more I feel there's a need for others, especially Canadians to know about this truth. Many people have learned from their painful experience and many time they want to speak up so that the others don't have to go through what they've had. That's part of sharing like how we're doing in this forum. It's good but not enough information to help the others seeing clearly to make better decision about their relationship.

If you notice my recent post that I've learned to be more alert with potential harm but also came out strong with my relationship where fears are slowly disappearing...

I hope many others could benefit the same way. Either to identify frauds or clear their doubts... Good luck to everyone and thank to Victor again :)

Jul 08, 2011
Why Not 'Follow' Your Own Story?
by: Anonymous

Why would you yoyeristically need to 'follow' anyone's romance for material when you have your own story, and let's face it what could be better than basing your film on what you know, yourself and your boyfriend.

Vic is a decent man, he never exposes names or personal details of those mainly women who pour their hearts out here.

Yet you come on here asking for approval of your Cuban's love or trustworthiness when really you are seeking material for your documentary.

Why would anyone be dumb enough to allow you to pry into their personal life, their personal affair for entertainment so you can make a profit and entertain Canadians at their expense.

You do not seem like a nice woman. Not at all.

I can understand why you have doubts about your boyfriend.

He most likely does not trust you either. I would not. And that is why he has not committed to you 100 % and your instincts tell you this.

Jul 08, 2011
Hi KV, I'm glad we're in the same boat
by: Anonymous

The last few nights, I've been obsessed with reading other stories on this website. It go the the point that everything sound fightening when real or fake can also be almost identical. I felt numb for a while and couldn't even be receptive to anything he said anymore...

Then the more I read, the more I feel that there is a pattern to these negative stories.. the more I feel that it doesn't apply to me. Though I would stay alert for sure but I no longer feel as bad I as did the last few days about the whole situation.

Now I can feel that he's real again and I'm working on the option to obtain him a work permit in Canada. I've looked into it a bit and it's difficult but not impossible.

I'm going back to the island the end of this month again for a few days. I'm thinking about working on a documentary about romance in Cuba... since I will be back to the island often. If anyone interested to let me follow their story (no matter what stage you're at), let me know and allow Victor to send me your email contact. That way, we can communicate privately without having to expose your contact in the forum.

Victor, would you be able to help out with that?
Thank you.

Jul 07, 2011
Short-term visit?
by: KV

Hi Love and Trust,

I think you have sort of answered your own questions!

You're right in that the only way to answer your questions and address your doubts is to spend more time together, in person.

Unless you bite the bullet and change your work circumstances to allow at least a few months in Cuba (which you say is not an option), then it follows that the only way is for your fella to come to Canada (which you do suggest in one of your earlier comments).

I don't know the ins and outs of Canadian immigration, but I'm always a bit surprised at the posts from Canadians that talk about needing to marry before bringing their partner to Canada.

Surely it's worth it to have a shorter-term visit first, to try out all these things you mention (climate, culture, starting from the bottom) without the pressure of a marriage commitment? While it would be awesome if our working holiday visa programs extended to Cubans, there's surely some other angle in the Canadian system to bring him out short to medium term?

At present, I am working through the many, many processes to bring my Cuban boyfriend to Australia. Am prepared to make this commitment to give us up to a year together and see how he goes here. Sounds a little similar to your situation - my bloke has a relatively comfortable rural life in Cuba, where he's on par with his peers (works two jobs - in the fields and as a horseriding guide, everyone in his immediate family works).

In Australia, his immediate options will be minimum-wage jobs in a town or city much larger than what he's used to. Unlike your guy, he doesn't speak much English and hasn't travelled, so am under no illusions that it's going to be a massive challenge. But we won't be married, and he'd be free to leave early if we can't hack it.

Have also had to be more brutally upfront with him than in past relationships - he will need to work here, I can't be an aid fund for the family, he can't stay forever, it will be frustrating, there are many immigration rules, etc...

If things are still going well when his time here is up, I'll look to quit work and head to Cuba for a little while. I feel that there isn't really a substitute for getting to know someone in their own environment, and I've had to accept that it won't be until that stage that I would get any real evidence on the Cuban wife question. Until then, it's just words and gut instincts.

Good luck! Whatever you do, don't rush. Immigration processes kind of take care of that one anyway...

Jul 05, 2011
How to test?
by: Elsueno

First of all, there are other ways on the island to make money besides those categories listed below.

I'm not doubting him for being a scammer. I've been ready lots of posts here and it is very frightening with all these cases.. and of course it does make me wonder because as many has put it Cuba is a place where the art of conning is PERFECT.

I understand many people have been through this so they couldn't help it from warning me. I appreciate that. Hence I'm more alert than before for sure.

Victor, I don't think there's a perfect world or partner either. But you can always find someone who match you best and you can feel happy, trusted & love. There's no need to live in fears.

How can I test the relationship? The only thing I can to do is to confront him with the issues and see his reaction, and start paying attentions to little things and only time will tell... If my gut feeling ever feels uneasy, I probably won't be able to continue the relationship. It's already so hard being long distance.

My struggle is not about fears of scamming. My struggle is about how to make this relationship works even it's true love... when there are endless obstacles for it being Cuba. It's so not easy when regular communication is so difficult.

Jul 05, 2011
Test Him
by: Karen

It's clear that you have doubts about this man. So you need to put his love to the test.

If as you say he has access to the internet why not put his love to the test by setting up a fake account on Facebook.

This is how I discovered that my Cuban man was not what he claimed to be. Not at all.

My Cuban ex also had what you referred to as a 'priveleged' position working for a government dept.

(But did not have a pot to pee in financially).

.None of them do, os they are always on the make, looking for a mug to fly them out of poverty.

He had internet access all day and idled his days online. Little wonder Castro has laid off half a million idlers.

I knew he had Facebook so before I made another expensive trip back to see him I put him to the test by inventing a fake profile, a beautiful blonde called Isabel who approached him on Facebook.

He immediately took the bait and within minutes he was asking for her cell phone no. home no., Skype ID.

He invited her to his home and offered to show her his 'beautiful island'.

Within a couple of days he was telling 'Isabel' he loved her, how he was single, had never felt like this before.

He said he'd had a relationship with a foreign woman, who now 'meant nothing' to him.

I was stunned. I can tell you that Isabel saved me a lot of long term grief, emotional and financial.

I suggest you put this man to the test before you invest your life in him, you already have doubts so why not find out what he is really like when you're not around.

If he does not have access to Facebook then send an attractive female to Cuba to run into him 'accidently' and see how he reacts.

If he loves you for real he will never be tempted.

Unless you put him to the test you will never know.

Jul 04, 2011
Questions need answers
by: Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this.I'm already aware of the worst case scenario. Assuming the relationship is a rare honest love, what options do I have and what are the things I can expect in the "best case scenario" if I would not move to Cuba or agree to stay there for an extended period of time.

Let's put it this way, if I live in Cuba without a job, he could provide financial support for us to live a comfortable life. This I know. Luckily, he only has one member of his immediate family to take care of, which is good news.

"True love" is hard to find and I believe a very small percent of us can actual experience the selfless love with whom you want to be with "in sickness or in health". Yes, love alone is not enough but it can also be almost everything depending on the situation.

I don't doubt the relationship we have but I doubt the uncertainties of the future given the difficult situation we're in. It's frightening to realize that there's never enough time to know someone truly... There's always risk we everything we do but would this worth the pain? I can't answer that since I haven't got enough experience yet... My urge is more yes then no. However, not enough yes to feel completely at ease with me decision.
I'd love to hear more opions.

Answer by Vic

I am afraid you idealize the world. Sorry, but you will never find "the perfect solution, the perfect scenario, the perfect partner etc.
You have to trust yourself that you can manage your own future. It looks to me that you search 100% trust, love, security, faith etc etc.
Well believe me this doesn't exist. I know "perfect marriages" where the wife suddenly left after 25 years of a good marriage, I know people who lost everything of assets after they were scammed by a trustworthy person, whom they knew and loved for more than 20 years. So, trust, love, etc. are relative terms. Don't think too much, go on with your life and be vigilant and happy too.

Jul 04, 2011
I Agree
by: Anonymous

I totally agree with the last post. When you have to seek affirmation of the solidity of your relationship then you clearly alrady have doubts. Perhaps justifiaby so.

Four words stood out for me in your story......'Love Is Not Enough'. So true. These words sum up relationships with Cuban men.

Love is never enought when you are involved with a Cuban. Because you have to take on board his extended family. Not cheap. As the last lady said, the stress of 7 years of financing the extended family was just too much.

So Love clearly is never enough when it comes to love with a Cuban partner.Then you have the infidelity as the previous poster was honst enough to admit. He was unfaithful when in Cuba.

We Westerners are seen as a great catch, a walking ATM. You said he is established in Cuba but let's face it, even the most renowned professional even a Doctor never earns more than $15 per month.

You may love him. he may love you. But to be totally honest with you when you fall for a Cuban man you take on his extended family. There is no getting away from it. He is under the thumb of the Mamma, Abuela, Tia, sobrina, colleagues de trabajo, all of whom have their oar in. Their opinion their point of view.

You're not dealing with him alone, you are dealing with minimum 15 other females who are all indoctrinating him on what he should be doing, saying, asking.

You are the honeypot, the Lottery, their pot of gold and they will not let you go so easily.

Many women like you travel to Cuba when their biological clock is ticking over.

They get pregnant in the late 30's 40's. But when that child is 10 will you see him at night, that's if he's still around? I doubt it.

I speak from experience based on women I know.

I know two women, plain, hardly what you'd call attractive, but solvent professionals in their early 50's, who like you they went to Cuba 10 years ago, and fell for charmers in Santiago, got pregnant, both were well paid professionals. A perfect target for a Cuban man in search of a visa out of poverty.

Today these women spend their nights at home alone, while their Cuban men, playboys, are trawling the latin night clubs.

Neither of the men have had a proper 'day job' in the 10 years they've lived here. They are a burden, leeches on the welfare state and poncing off their wives.

One woman, a travel editor on a well known woman's glossy magazine has been walked all over.

She is her little dreadlock's sponger's paymaster, not just him, him but his extended family. More fool her!! But she lacks the the cojones to boot him out.

But both women now in their early 50's have sufficiently low self esteem to accept the B.S. and infidelity, much to the disgust of their friends and families.

Jul 04, 2011
Thank you Victor - the road is tough
by: Elsueno

Yes, he can support me in Cuba no problem but due to the nature of my work. I cannot possibly be in Cuba for longer than 2 weeks. So for me to live in Cuba for several months is out of the question.

Yes, I believe he can adapt well to new environments because he has lived in other countries before and speaks other languages besides English & Spanish. So in a way, I don't think he is a typical Cuban man. However, in reality, to start a new life again somewhere from the bottom is really hard for any man.

If a Cuban leaves Cuba traveling, how long can he be away each time? Perhaps he can spend sometime in Canada to see how he can cope with it, while we get to spend more time together.

What kind of cost involved for a Cuban to leave the country for vacation? And how long would it take to apply for an exit?

How can I be sure that he's faithful to me when sex is so accessible on the island, especially in his circumstances? I guess I just have to trust my instinct, if I can't trust him on this, there's no point to continue this relationship right?

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Love in Cuba .

footer for Havana-guide page