Planning to marry a Cuban

Welcome

Life in Havana

About Havana

Life in Cuba

About Cuba

Cuba Culture

Cuba Info

Havana Updates

Planning to marry a Cuban

by all
(NZ)

I met a Cuban guy in Cienfuegos. He aproached me on the street to talk to me. I was very suspicious of him being a jinetero and told him so, but he was nice enough and I was happy to talk. At the end of the day he invited me out. I accepted and we hit it off.

We spent some time together and, yes, I did pay but I am a budget traveller and did not spend a lot. I was always a little skeptical of his intentions but that is my nature, not necessarily because of anything he did.

We kept in communication while apart. His emails did talk about missing me but they weren't full of love and he never asked me for money or the like.

I came back to Cuba recently to visit him. I told him I had to travel as cheaply because I didn't have much money. He arranged to eat dinners at one parents house, and then later stay at the other parents house. Both times we were together it was never a big party - we spend most of the time hanging out on the streets, or at the house.

We are engaged and I am trying to get him to my country. I do not plan to marry him until after we live together for a few months.

I trust him and believe him but after reading this website I am second guessing myself. I'd love a balanced set of opinions.

ANSWER by Vic webmaster Havana-guide.com
Well don't expect an easy answer, there is no easy answer only time can tell you....
Having said this a few questions to you, answer them for yourself.
1) How long do you know him? You met him two, three times during a few weeks, how well do you know him? Is your knowledge of Spanish and Cuban slang enough to understand the little nuances? It's important you pick up the opinion of his family and friends.
2) You trust him! It's risky to trust someone after you know him only a short time (three times a few weeks) Trust is NOT an easy thing in Cuba.
Lots of Cubans especially youth are desperate and will do a lot for money. Trust must be build up, bit by bit, year after year. Start with small things
I have deliberately left my wallet on the table with a few banknotes enough to test the trust.
This is only one trick I have used several...and after time I can say....I have only ONE Cuban friend I can trust...
3) You mentioned several times that your budget is limited. Marry and invite a Cuban is expensive. The invitation alone has cost me close to 2000 USD. (invitation, notary, passport, exit visa, plane ticket, medical examination etc.) Do not underestimate your liability, you have to sign in front of a Cuban notary that you take all (financial)responsibilities. Sometimes you have to proof your solvability. For some people their Cuban "adventure" has ended in financial disaster!
4) Know that several Cubans left their partner shortly after they arrived in their new country. What will your Cuban partner do for the living? Does he has a job? In some countries you are responsible for his income and social security.
Don't jump overnight in a "Cuban adventure" prepare things careful, this can take easely three years.
It can be done but protect yourself for a disaster. Good luck!
All the best!

Comments for
Planning to marry a Cuban

Average Rating

Click here to add your own comments

Dec 13, 2011
Rating

be careful
by: Anonymous

I too was also planning on marrying a cuban man i met and have know now for a year and half. this time when i went to cuba i tested him i did not take any gifts and gave him no money and to tell u the truth his was very cold and distant. if you are not sure about your man or woman in cuba try this test...it will save you alot of time and money in the long run!!!!

Jun 04, 2011
Rating

Broken Family.....Part 2
by: MissMiss

Maybe your dad will come to his senses to financially commit only to the house in cuba and only to the woman, and you must accept that... and you can emotionally support him this way in order to see that you can guide him into saving another portion of his money for his grandchildren, his current living means, and his own children, and ultimately for himself. Give him hope. He hasn't considered this to be the end of the road for himself, so neither should his family, so you can be there for him and show him you care about him and his second life. Even if you save your dad from going through this marriage to a woman who is nearly 30 yrs younger than he is, he won't be the first or the last man to do it, win or lose. He is 73 and it is very unfortunate that he is not spending his last years with his family to be closer to them, and at least enjoying cuba together... but I say that in all of your tears enjoy your own trip to cuba too! You may show him that you enjoy cuba too, and he can feel good that at least someone understands his fantasy world right now. He has been keeping secret something he probably knows is wrong. He definitely won't listen to 'nagging' from his family that will probably remind him of his wife... (Forgive me in advance, but i'm talking in general terms about the nagging and about his wife/your mom-since i don't know your family i'm throwing out possible scenarios that you can take key ideas from) I really really really wish your family pulls through this well, and if you really want him to be happy and you want to support him, throw in the idea of postponing the marriage to a later time so that you can all adjust to this idea, and more family can support him there to be physically present....and he just might delay acting like such a rebellious child! If he doesnt feel like post-poning then encourage him that you will help him plan a celebration once she comes to join your family in your country. I'm a big believer of being so nice to someone that the bad is revealed...and so if this cuban woman is so bad, it can only be revealed with your family being so good to your Dad....You see a big part of the hurt is that he hasn't given your family the chance to get to know his relationship with this woman, to give opinions and feedback, and he feels like there is no time to...its like the opposite of cold turkey...its like he's throwing ice on his family and you all have to take it and accept it... That may be the case, but as a family you may all just need to come up with a plan together in order to be there for your dad. All your family need to find out what is to be learned from all of this, so that only your dad is making the mistake, and not your brothers/ sisters/ children, grandchildren, etc etc. I hope this helps although its probably not something that you wanted to hear. Cheers :)

Jun 04, 2011
Rating

Broken Family.....
by: MissMiss

it may seem like there's no hope but there is this one...be there by his side until he comes around..... This wont be a pretty message about saving your dad from marrying this woman, but more about how to handle letting him go through with it. Since your father is behaving a tad stubborn and in a dense way, it looks like all he really wants is support... emotional, and spiritual, since he hasn't really counted on your families' presence during Christmas and most unfortunately the anniversary of your Mother's death. For some reason, he has chosen to grieve your mother's passing by escaping it all....He must have loved your mother so much or really relied on her company, that this loneliness can only be fulfilled by another woman, and not his own children and family... If this is not the case, then it is anyone's guess as to why he is acting as though he never cared about your mom and his family as a whole. As ugly as it may feel, part of anyone's healing process is to be by your dad's side when he signs those papers for marriage. The past right now consists of how he has failed the family in the grieving process, and he has grieved his own way without you as a whole unit. But thats the specific past that should be overlooked and as hard as it is, should be forgiven. He has made up his mind, and you won't be betraying your mum by attending that marriage... just consider it as attending your dad's grieving process, and now being there for your Dad... for some reason he is screaming out for help and has found it in this younger woman. What needs to be accepted is that it is his 'problem' (I sound cold and blunt here, but i have seen my grandparents and my divorced parents commit their own share of financial and romantic mishaps) We all will commit them one way/day or another. end of part 1

Jun 04, 2011
Rating

BROKEN FAMILY HELPLESS
by: Anonymous

My mother past away in 2009.Two weeks later my f ather went to cuba, for a week.Soon after he was gone again 4 weeks,5 weeks.In march of 2010 his friend introduced him to a cuban women.Dad really never said much about her, he just said he had a friend.In 2010 our family has seen our father 3 ,the visits to cuba even took him away for Christmas and new years also the anniversary of losing mom.This past March he informed us that he was getting married in June. We are shocked, not only have we lost our mom but we lost our dad as he was constantly in cuba, we had no way of contacting him if something should of gone terribly here.The women he is marrying is 45 and he is 73. Her mother raises one of her sons and the ex husband raises the other. We have tried to ask him to wait but he will not listen.I tried to tell him to protect his assets, home pensions. We really dont know what to do.He is even buying a house in cuba as hers is falling apart.Do you have any advise for me as I just don't know what to do. We feel very much helpless,we love him and don't want to see him hurt or taken advantage of and end up with nothing.The sad thing is we feel we have lost him, my family and I miss him on special occasions, as we do our mother. PLEASE HELP WITH SOME GOOD ADVISE. He is leaving June 17 to be married to this women and plans to start the procedure of bring her here. I have no interest in meeting her as I am older then her.I believe she is scamming my dad.Our family does not know how to go on as we our suffering the loss of two parents,mother who past away and Dad who is never in the country. I have printed off the horrible stories for him to read but he will not listen. Is there any advise for our family.
Thank you
From a broken Family

Mar 21, 2011
Rating

Marie is dead-on
by: Anonymous

Regardless of whether it's true or not, you should tell your Cubano that you love his country and intend on living there.....that he will not be happy in your country long-term and so you will never sponsor him to come. Stick with that story and see the reaction. You should play it for months, if not years, before getting married. You can add in that you don't plan on working in Cuba because it is almost impossible for a foreigner to find a job, so instead you will live with his family (expected anyhow), off of his small salary and your tiny reserves from back home. For me this story is in fact the truth....and my Cubano has stuck around. But, EVERY SINGLE ONE of his friends, including decent ones, thinks he is crazy and tell him this all the time. Their point is, yes some Cubanos scam foreign women to marry them, but it shouldn't give all Cubanos the reputation...since this is true love, why deny yourself the privilege of moving abroad, just in order to prove you are an honest guy? Happily, my guy tells me all of their comments, laughs it off and won't accept a penny from me, ever.

COMMENT by Vic, Webmaster
SOUND ADVICE

Mar 08, 2011
Rating

Advice
by: Marie

Hello

I am here by chance and I feel to tell you :

If you are in love with Cuban man and he talks about love and wants to marry you, test him this way: mention living together in Cuba and follow his reaction. I did that. You will learn true very soon.

Jan 26, 2011
Rating

About to do it!!
by: MissMiss

I appreciate the worn boots warning/comment, but I frankly wouldn't insist on the guy coming to canada if he didnt want to! nor spending 20k. none of these scenarios really add up to who i know my fiance to be, especially since he hasn't been as monstruous as most comments describe. we're both pretty young, both are extremely fluent in spanish, and are both dedicated to our immediate families, especially our moms. i can't stand canadian winters, and I can't imagine him to like them any better, Canada is the last place I've adjusted to!!!! my only interest is knowing from ppl who their husbands were as boyfriends, and fiances, because i can't see how my fiance will turn super jealous and physically abusive, i just dont see it.

Jan 21, 2011
Rating

dont do it!
by: another sucker-but one with bruises!

Reading all this good advice makes me feel even stupider! 4 years ago almost to the day I met a Cuban man in Trinidad. He made me feel loved, wanted, beautiful, sexy. We spent 5 days together. Over the next 15 months, he emailed me almost daily with wonderfully flattering emails. I went back for a month and had a great time. 7 months later back for another month and agreed to marry him. During this time, his effort into the relationship admittedly only by "words" was absolutely phenomenal.
Google translate helped (hindered) by making my bad spanish seem like I had more spanish than I did. Almost 3 years after we met (no rush job!), we married in Cuba I returned to my country and we started the difficult process of the visa. During this time of course I was sending money for the "needful". 6 months later he was here with me and the nightmare began.

The man that he was - attentive, loving became a jealous, tyrannical monster. He raved on constantly about any men in my life- male customers, my ex husband who I needed to talk to from time to time about my adult children, even male shop assistants, he would have tantrums about if I asked for assistance in the shop thinking I was chatting them up. It was unbelievable. He began to lecture me, which turned to finger pointing, jabbing, pushing, grabbing, punching- closed fist/open hand. The longest we went in 6 months without him assaulting me was 10 days. In the meantime, I was working long hours in a stressful job to support us both. I would sit in my office at 6 p.m. dreading going home to him. All of this after 3 and a half years of dedication to get him here! Finally 3 weeks ago, I went to the police, he was arrested and I now have a protection order to keep him away. He is here with little English, no family, few friends (certainly all of mine are supporting me having seen the bruises) and as the lawyer and doctor say he is such a stupid man or I am the stupid one for not seeing this coming. He is trying to stay and only time will tell whether he can. There is a Latin-American welfare agency trying to convert his visa as I have withdrawn my sponsorship of him. In the meantime, my office is alarmed, my house is alarmed and I walk in the street with a personal panic alarm as he has threatened to kill me.

Nov 19, 2010
Rating

Worn Boot's!!
by: Silvana Teresa

Hi MissMiss,
You say another one bite's the dust? well you will be biting more than dust once he walk's all over your naiveness and treat's you like an old worn pair of boot's.
Remember you will never take Cuba or Cuban value's out of your Cuban.
Eg.the librarian married a Cuban 7 year's ago,said she had to force him to come to Canada,he finally relented and came here she paid all expenses,amounting to $20,000.00,that was 7 year's ago.
When I went to return some cd's I had rented last week she asked me if i had a few moment's,she told me " you know what,you were right,I thought we had a life here,married had 3 kid's,bought a house etc.
When all seemed rosy he told her that he must go to Cuba to visit his sick dad,usually she goes with him but this time she could not take time off work,so he went alone.
He called her this week telling her he's not coming back,and told her to forget him,he is back with his puta whom he was living with while he met her,plus she just found out he has 2 grown kid's with her.
They had a joint account with $45,000.00 and he took it all,so now he can live his dream in Cuba,yes it took him 7 year's,and ruined a woman who is now left alone with 3 kid's,does he care--nope,nada,nadie.
So if your Mr Cuba is picking up half of all expenses then go for it,but if he had half of $20,000.00 you could bet your boot's he would not even look at you,for in the end the Cubana alway's get's them back!!
Take Care,
Silvana Teresa

Nov 18, 2010
Rating

Engaged
by: MissMiss

So another one bites the dust, as in me, for getting engaged! It has by far been the most intense roller-coaster ride in my life. We have so many options, like pushing for a visit to Canada to visiting South America before actually marrying, but it seems like I'd still much rather we gain the freedom by sponsoring him to canada, and we can continue, or start our life goals and plans together... we have so many plans and resources to pull them off.. i think i'm really lucky to have found an ambitious person with an entrepeneurial spirit, and to this day he still works unrewarding jobs. I also feel like the days of doubting him are no more, we've been through the storm, and we have heavy rainfalls now and then (hey we're both human)... if anything its always my own feelings that go up and down because I have always been a pretty picky person when it comes to guys and how they treat me in a relationship. i'm happy to say its been a great experience ever since we both realized we are each other's Media Naranja......, which is of way more concern than when/how you marry/sponsor (which is ultimately the LAST thing to think about) We should always keep in mind that this is a relationship! not purchasing power of a pair of trendy boots! I sort of secretly envy a friend who has broken up with her cubano, but quite frankly, he was emailng her every 3 weeks, his mom pushed him to carry the relationship, and in my visit of two months i witnessed him dating a cubanita....!!! Anyway, upon reading up on relationsips i like the following phrases: is he your Partner in Crime, and do you feel Safe with each other.... read up everything, even google Afraid to Marry and you'll get great info on a jewish site... .pax MissMiss

Nov 13, 2010
Rating

Do not do it
by: Anonymous

I married a Cuban. He was only after a way out of Cuba. All of his friends lived in other countries, they had married foreigners to escape Cuba. In England where we live, all the cubans who my husband hangs out with got here by marrying a pom, not ONE is still with their wife/ husband. Don't do it. You will never have any money- any money you earn will support him, any money he makes will be for partying/ to send to family in Cuba. I feel sorry for the Cuban people as a whole though- their government is totally screwing them. It's not fair, hopefully the castros will die off soon.

Sep 18, 2010
Rating

What do you guys see in these losers?
by: Camajan

DELETED DUPLICATE COMMENTS

Vic webmaster

Aug 01, 2010
Rating

My situaton is dfferent Miss Miss
by: Alice

I did'nt try to 'push him away'. I was just honest with him by telling him marrying was out of the question and that I would never pay for a man to leave Cuba.

He did'nt 'work a tourist resort' like your boyfriend and did'nt have access to thousands of tourists.

My friend worked in a factory and lived in a village far away from any resort.

I do not believe in giving presents. why crate a nation of beggars. I know your situation is different and you have stayed with his family and it was been a costly visit.

I have not stayed with his family. When we met I had not presents to give him When I return I will not be bringing costly presents. It will cost me enough to get there and he knows that.

He gave me two beautiful hand crafted wooded pendants on my last night there. Several people have commented on how beautiful it it and how it must have been given with love.

So we cannot be eternally cynical and dismissive of all Cubans. They really are not all the same.

Aug 01, 2010
Rating

Thank You For The Advice Miss Miss
by: Alice

My friend does not work at a resort, so has have no experience of the 'Veja y Gorda' at all. I will watch that video on You Tube but believe me he could not be more unlke those scuzzy slimebuckets of the Dom. Republic.

He lives in a village 1,0000 km from Havana and is quite innocent compared to the players who work at resorts, which is what I liked about him when we first met.

He has also been very understanding. When we had a mis-communcaton last Jan. and I did not hear back from him I cancelled my costly internal flight and stayed at a small hotel close to the airport and had a chilled out time.Those type of vacations are actually the best, where you do no more than read, swim, dance, breathe, sleep.

He was hurt I could do that, fly there and not see him but he got over it.

You mentioned money girfts etc. No money has ever been given, and no gifts. When we met I was travelling light. When I do return I will not be laden with gifts.

Why ruin something good?. I might bring a t.shirt or pair of jeans, but certainly no elaborate gifts. If I go that route how will I know if it's real. Also they have dignity, why take that away by bringing expensive gifts when they can not do the same?.

Besides, love can not be bought nor does it have a price tag.

When I left last time I had not given him anything as I had brought nothing, he gave me a leaving present of two beautiful hand made pendants.

We will see how it goes, I am in no hurry, if is genuine only time will tell.

Jul 22, 2010
Rating

Same here
by: MissMiss

Hi Alice, good to hear what happened, but guess he didn't disappear on you is probably like mixed feelings for you! :P

I too recently practiced what I preached-again- because for the 5th time or so, I told him, to just PLEASE take his game elsewhere if a way out of cuba is what he is looking for! Now that's not an easy thing to do ... to continually find ways to 'push' the guy away.. and he did respond "Look, i've been working in 'tourist city' for x number of years, and excuse my harsh words but don't you think i'd have found and convinced a 'vieja y gorda' the way others have done"..... he says it like this regretfully because the dearest women in his life are viejas y gordas, lol.... but all in all, it takes a lot on our part to be with them as much as possible, like 2-3 months at a time, because they're sitting there missing us, whether working or not working, they should be thinking of you 24/7. its draining to think that we save for months and months, and go to the island to visit our lovers for 1-4 weeks at a time...

Sometimes we question money and gifts: food for thought: FOR THE SWEET GUY that says, "Don't give me anything, i don't need money, I don't need gifts" keep in mind they might want to remain guilt free of taking stuff from you if they really care about you, but are handling another relationship with a foreigner as well; or they are just waiting for the visa out of cuba because that is what they really need. and if they flat out tell you what they need to show you where the gifts and money actually goes it can be to a) build trust on your end, and b) they plan to stay in cuba forever but use your money to make life better!

again, these are GENERAL comments i'm throwing out there, not to pin point any posters on this thread!

oh, and another thing:
watch SANKY PANKY, a Dominican produced movie, available in about 12 parts on YOU TUBE.... a comedy about a dominican guy from the village who goes to the resort to work to find a women under the old and white category, to get out of the islands, and you see his ups and downs trying to do this!! Now: if you understand enough spanish to follow the whole movie then you can better determine if your lover really cares for you, and where you stand in your extranjero/caribeno relationship!!

.pax
missmiss

Jul 22, 2010
Rating

Well Said Miss Miss!
by: Alice

I wholehearedly agree with what you wrote Miss Miss. Trust is everything in a relationship. More so in a long distance relationship.

And you should not hold back on saying what you feel. I have been communcating with a Cuban man for the past 16 months. I recently changed tack and began to ask questions about his life, work, family etc. I became tried of the fomulaic 'Te Quero Mucho' 'Te Estranjar' type email.

His response have be a better understanding of him. I was totally honest with him and told him I did not believe in marriage and had no intention of marrying him or any man.

I said if marriage and a passport was what he wanted then he should pursue it with an older lady, perhaps a Canadian who was keen to marry. He was shocked and accused me of 'discriminating' and thinking that 'all Cubans are the same' which could not be further from the truth. He was very very angry.

I also let him know that I had no plans to fly him out of the country, that I had seen relationships where this happened, and the Cuban was not happy, usually the relationship broke up.

There is always an element of pressure in relationships with Cuban men. I've only known one but from reading what other wrote on here I can tell they are experiencing the same.

I dislike being pressurized so decided to tell him like it is.

I was not afraid of losing him. In fact it would be a relief if I did as I would know where he was coming from.

I felt I had to say what needed to be said and give him the chance to decide what he wanted to do in light of what I had said.

I also told him that life outside of Cuba is not cheap. We pay for everything, education, healthcare, housing etc. I really spelt it out to him. He was shocked!.

I did not hear from him for over a week, I did not expect to hear from him again having read his angry words.

Yesterday he emailed me to say he was tried of the angry words and wanted me to know that he loved me and could not wait for me to return, just to see me again and to kiss me.

I feel we have overcome a huge barrier by being honest. I have cleared the air and said what needed to be said.

Honesty is the only way. It's the foundation of any relationship. Without it you do not have a relationship.

Jul 02, 2010
Rating

Second Guessing....
by: MissMiss

I wouldn't second guess ... at least not anymore! Trust is also built on mistakes either party can make, and then resolving to make it better for the future... and if this is what your relationship is built on then its a great start!

I feel much better in my relationship with 'x' because its built on major ups and downs, major life lessons, and finally our immediate family have met each other! Are we engaged.. NO... has he mentioned marriage ... YES ...and he's withdrawn from me in the past because i take things real slow in this relationship but he interpreted it as though I don't care about him...when its long distance it isn't easy to communicate how you really feel.

if its worth anything for anybody else i say this: Don't hold anything back: your doubts/questions, your love/joy, your anger/sadness, your life stories/your mistakes . Even if you're afraid to lose someone by making yourself vulnerable, do it, because its one of the best ways to learn how you handle LDRs, how they handle it, and how you handle it together, and finally - why you're accepting an LDR in your life in the first place. Commitment is a hard word to adopt in your life when you meet someone on an island where it is assumed that what happens there, stays there, so imagine how hard it is for the Cuban... think about that for a second if you were in their shoes! .pax.

ALL THE BEST!

Apr 11, 2010
Rating

Reply to 'Interesting Responses' by All
by: Alice

This is a reply to the post entitled 'Interesting Responses'. You need to put your glasses on as you are not reading correctly.

You refer to a post me me 'Alice' and you say 'You knew him a week and mentioned marriage'. I was responding to the Original poster. Not referring to me!!

Show me where I wrote that?. I think you sare mixing up my pst with some other woman's.

I am not stupid. There is not a chance in hell that I would believe in a man who mentioned either the words 'Te Quiero' or discuss marriage in a week.

Here is what I wrote. Please read it carefully:

Be Wary!

Remember You Are HIs Passage Out of Poverty - Much Cheaper than a $10,000 Raft.

by: Alice

You make one visit, spend a week with this man and suddenly you are engaged. Why? Are you desperate that you need a man in your life to be happy.

Cuban men prey on the insecurities of European and North American women. We are bombarded with media images that make us feel worthless. Are we still single at 30? Are we overweight? Are we happy etc. etc.

Young girls are sexualised from an early age. Targetted by companies selling them tarty clothes, bras, even make up.

Little wonder they are easy prey for the shrewed Cuban man who wants a passport to poverty.

Why get engaged, Why Marry?. Is marriage necessary today? To me it is like a ball and chain and no longer relevant. It is only 'relevant' to the desperados who want a passport out of poverty - Cubans, Moroccans, Africans etc.

You say you just 'hung out' no doubt you buying the drinks and the food while he clung to you like a limpet telling you 'Te Quero Mucho'.

It is a tried and tested formula believe me. It has worked on you and many thousands before you. It always ends in emotional and financial bankruptcy.

Do not be a mug!!

If he truly 'loves' you he will NOT insist on marriage or a passport out of poverty. he will accept you for you, and respect your wishes and not rush you into something you may not want to do, because your instincts are telling you this does not feel right.

Apr 09, 2010
Rating

Good Advice from Anonymous
by: Jenna

I would urge ladies on here to read what the previous poster has written.

She was wise, she did not rush into a romance. She waited and weighed up the options and she decided against entering into what could have been an emotional and financial disaster.

Last year I was in Varadero where I met a man. We seems to connect, I speak Spanish so we had some great conversations. He was charming, witty, handsome. It was easy to get swept up in it all.

Within a few days he dropped a hint about how much he would love to have a car. How he'd love to have a daughter with me. Why I should return to live with him in Cuba.

Little things bugged me about him. How he flirted with other women while in my presence. Even married ones. How he already had an ipod and kept talking about how much he would love an iphone.

I soon came to the conclusion that he was an arrogant spoilt brat. So when I returned home I told him to stop emailing me that I had no intention of having a romance with him or returning to see him.

I later discovered that he was in fact married.

I realised how lucky I was to have wised up and seen the situation clearly.

You have to look out for warning signs. Read between the lines. Get to know them well and over time. Meet their family.

Let them know you are not wealthy and have no intention of inviting them to your country.

Love is not for sale. It cannot be purchased.

Remember that ladies.

Mar 29, 2010
Rating

planning to marry a cuban? do not
by: Anonymous

I have been there myself I met a cuban man 3 years ago on vacation from uk to cuba. We went out only the once and he introduce me to his mum and friends and then he said that he wants to come and live in the uk and not canada now. We communicated by email and last year by email he says he wants to marry me and to end the long distance between us. He says that he is not getting any younger and that the economy in cuba is not good and the wages are only 15 dollars a month,that is not enough money to support his family and friends. If I get married to him I would have to pay for all the paper work and translatio from English to Spanish, marriage services, visa etc. will come to around £3,000. on top of that supporting him when he arrives to the UK. I never have thought that I would pay for my own wedding. Think careful for anyone out there before you consider marrying a cuban man, because I have, the only thing going for him is his charms and good looks but he is poor and he has dropped hints by email that he is marrying me for a better life and to escape poverty. I said for a joke that i would buy a laptop and cellphone and he did not refuse me that is a good test, that he does not love me for me and only for money.

He has told me that there are many sham marriages in cuba as it is there way of life to get what they want so that is why the divorce is so high in cuba. So if a man wants a car he says that he has to marry the woman and then get divorced from her to claim that the car is his. Also if he wants to have the house he would have to marry the owner and they get divorce and she says the house is his.

£3,000 is a lot of money to pay for a marriage that may not last when you get them here.

So please do your research before you consider marrying a cuban as I have done my research and I have considered not marrying him.

Good luck

Mar 11, 2010
Rating

Interesting responses!
by: All

I must say I find the replies a little amusing. They talk about women being duped by Cubans and all falling sucker to the same tired lines. But it seems to me that a few of the same tired lines are being repeated over and over in the responses below.

I asked for a balanced set of opinions, the only one who gave a balanced response was the webmaster. Everyone else seems a little too caught up in their own issues.

Alice ? ?You make one visit, spend a week with this man and suddenly you are engaged?. - The dialogue following that would make Germaine Greer proud. You were obviously reading your own words into my original post. I did not say I visited once and spend one week with the guy before getting engaged.

?Do not be a mug, If he truly 'loves' you he will not insist on marriage or a passport out of poverty? ? I never said he insisted on marriage or a passport.

Javier - ?A man who loves a woman ? will never put pressure on a woman, never suggest marriage too soon, never tell her he loves her after a week of knowing her.? ? I agree wholeheartedly and none of this took place in my instance.

?Trust your intutition, it is always right.? ? My intuition is telling me to go for it! I?ve travelled extensively around the world and been approached by all kinds of men in all kinds of countries. My partner falls into the good category.

Cayman - ?Tey [sic] can only fool white women? ? too funny to even make a response.

Sandra ? ?Think about that next time you visit Cuba or read his robotic 'te quiero mucho' ? emails.? I?d be interested to read these ?robotic? emails too, they might provide me with even more amusement. Unfortunately I didn?t get any such emails.

Webmaster ? my partner had access to my wallet on a regular basis. He never took any money. I tracked my spending so I can be confident in this. I am aware of my financial obligations in the migration process. Thanks for your comments, I?ll keep them in mind, it?s always good to hear other opinions (even if sometimes they are really funny!).

NOTE by Vic webmaster. It's good you did "the wallet test" but always be vigilant. In Cuba I've been cheated, but always peanuts, small stuff like a false banknote, a few extra drinks added to the bill etc. so I can't complain.....but while I was on vacation in Cuba, my trusted secretary and bookkeeper with more than 20 years excellent service, stole over 100,000 $ from the company accounts. I have learnt some lessons, so it's always good to protect yourself and analyse what can happen in the worst situation. You need to trust people, but your faith should not be absolute.
Wish you good luck and all the best!

Mar 06, 2010
Rating

I agree with Cayman - Well Said - So True!
by: Sandra

Cayman you are a wise woman and ladies on here should heed your words.

True love is not about pressure, stress, money worries.

True love is not about 'hanging out' on the streets in the cold and rain ijn an arm lock as he claims you as his 'Mujer' and you feel you are in the lock of a ball and chain.

Cuba was never meant to be like that, not when you have forked out your hard earned cash for a vacation.

True flows, it's about acceptance, understanding, mutual support, great communication. It makes you feel good, valued, loved.

Reading through these sad and occasionaly desperate posts where women are looking to be reassured that is is 'true love' I am skeptical.

All of these women are under pressure, otherwise they would not be posting on here looking for reassurance that their relationship is 'real'.

I read one where the women said she had sent him money after he had said he 'did not want money' A great trick. So why did she ask him for his bank acct details and send money.

True love will never demand money, or make subtle hints about needing sneakers, a cellphone, clothing etc.

Clever Cubans will not ask outright, they will drop it casually into conversation. How they lost a job through wearing flip flops, and are in desperate need of Nike or Adidas trainers etc. etc.

True love will not need to pressurise into marriage, or engagement, or involve notaries, or flight tickets, or expensive exit vias, or passports.

True love flows as freely as a crystal clear waterfall, it is pure, it sparkles and enhances your life. It does not make you fee sad, under pressure emotionally, mentally or financially.

Think about that next time you visit Cuba or read his robotic 'te quiero mucho' 'te amo' 'te estranjar mi vida' emails.

Mar 05, 2010
Rating

PLANNING TO MARRY A CUBAN?
by: Cayman Islands

I am shocked that there are so many stupid women looking for a free loading man.
Cubanmen are the biggest tricksters you can find.
Tey can only fool white women, especially Canadians, French, and English ito telling themthat they love them.
It does not matter whether you invihim for a visit and marry him after, he is going to leave you after he has cleaned out the money you have.
The do not satisfy with one woma and they are the best liars n the world.

Mar 05, 2010
Rating

Be Careful
by: Javier

If a man truly loves you he will not rush you, or put any expectation or pressure on you.

If it all goes to quickly think about why?.

A man who loves a woman be he Cuban or otherwise will never put pressure on a woman, never suggest marriage too soon, never tell her he loves her after a week of knowing her.

There is a whole generation of young Cubans who do not want to get out of bed for 20CUC a month. Why? when they can meet a tourist woman who will buy them a cellphone, designer clothing, and the ultimate jackpot - marriage and a ticket out of Cuba!.

Few are prepared to do an honest day's work today.

Many Cubans risk their lives each year by payhing many thousands of dollars in an effort to escape to Miami. Many die in the sea.

It is so much easier to trick a woman in believing he loves her.

Remember they all use the same 'Te Quiero Mucho' script, it has been doing the rounds for years.

They pay a woman (sometimes their mother or novia) to type these fake emails and little love poems and emocions from the 123.com website.

Ladies it is a well known con believe me.

They even resort to quoting our great writer Jose Marti so well versed are they in the Te Amo B.S. :)

All of them read the same, and guess what? women fall for it. The script works!. And they use it on older women, fat women, weatlhy women, poor women. It works! And they are prepared to sleep with anything if it enables them to get out.

Remember words are cheap, actions are what count.

You are having doubts otherwise you would not be posting on here asking for advice.

Trust your intutition, it is always right.

Protect your finances.

If or when you marry they will soon disappear faster than he can say -'Te Quiero Mucho' 'Te Estranjar'

Mar 05, 2010
Rating

Be Wary! Remember You Are HIs Passage Out of Poverty - Much Cheaper than A $10,000 Raft.
by: Alice

Be wary!.

You make one visit, spend a week with this man and suddenly you are engaged. Why? Are you desperate that you need a man in your life to be happy.

Cuban men prey on the insecurities of European and North American women. We are bombarded with media images that make us feel worthless. Are we still single at 30? Are we overweight? Are we happy etc. etc.

Young girls are sexualised from an early age. Targetted by companies selling them tarty clothes, bras, even make up.

Little wonder they are easy prey for the shrewed Cuban man who wants a passport to poverty.

Why get engaged, Why Marry?. Is marriage necessary today? To me it is like a ball and chain and no longer relevant. It is only 'relevant' to the desperados who want a passport out of poverty - Cubans, Moroccans, Africans etc.

You say you just 'hung out' no doubt you buying the drinks and the food while he clung to you like a limpet telling you 'Te Quero Mucho'.

It is a tried and tested formula believe me. It has worked on you and many thousands before you. It always ends in emotional and financial bankruptcy.

Do not be a mug, If he truly 'loves' you he will not insist on marriage or a passport out of poverty. he will accept you for you, and respect your wishes and not rush you into something you may not want to do, because your instincts are telling you this does not feel right.

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How?
Simply click here to return to Marriage and Divorce in Cuba

Planning to marry a Cuban

Comments for Planning to marry a Cuban

Comments for
Planning to marry a Cuban