Real Relationship in Cuba
I'm writing this because I find so many of the stories on here either (a) totally against relationships, or (b) written by people who have spent 2 weeks In Cuba and are apparently "in love".
I met my Cuban guy a year ago. Since then, I've managed to spend 4 months in Cuba, across 4 trips - living together - the last trip for 5 weeks. We've had multiple discussions about a future, and what comes out from both us, is that although he would like to visit to my country, he wouldn't want to live there. For him, life is in Cuba, and so now it's down to me to decide whether I can live in Cuba. There's no way he's coming over here, and we both know that.
My guy isn't one of those dodgy ones who intentionally get jobs in resorts in order to meet foreigners, nor is he one of those dance partners who is with a different girl every week. (Please, anyone, if your guy falls into either category, beware). I met him under genuine circumstances, and he has a job. I speak Spanish, he speaks English - we can communicate. Don't mistake "We have lots to talk about" for the reality of "It actually takes us 20 minutes to figure out what could be said in 1 minute".
We text each other 2-3 times a day when I'm not there, he always replies within minutes, as do I. I've met his crazy family, they really are crazy, and he thinks that keeping me and them apart is the best option. I agree, since they would be likely money-grabbers. On the other hand, I've met loads of his friends, who are all really nice guys. I've seen them in clubs, and they aren't after chasing every skirt in town - a group of them can go out together, and just enjoy a night out themselves - they're not constantly chasing girls - lovely guys - not just doing it for me - they're the same every time we go out.
We do occasionally go out to expensive places - Capri, Dos Gardenias, Casa de la Musica - but most nights, we cook at home, watch TV, play dominoes while chatting, and go to the movies once or twice a week. We have a NORMAL life there - we don't live as though it's a constant vacation.
I feel comfortable with what we have. Maybe others will pick bones in what I've said, but I do say to all girls who fall for a Cuban man, is to evaluate your experience with them. If you are in a resort, and constantly partying, then that is what the man is looking for in life. If you are cooking at home together, or out, but rushing back to watch La Favorita on TV at 9:30, with a slice of pineapple, and haggling over whether to go out for a walk to feed the stray cats after dinner with your left-overs, but be back home by 11, because you have a busy day tomorrow, then you are living a real Cuban life.
Get real - life isn't a constant vacation.
You have to go out to work, have to pay bills - if you haven't discussed how you will do that, and all you have together is nights in a salsa bar until 6am, then you are living in a dream world of constant vacation-state.
Simple question - how many times have you done the mundane things like going to the market, searching for carrots and onions, and then cooked at home together, and stayed in with the TV? That's what life is really like for the next 40 years, and if you haven't done it with him, and all you have done is go out partying, then question it, because he'll be off like a shot once he realises that life isn't one big party. If he's happy to spend those nights at home with you, he's probably a keeper.
Comments by Vic Webmaster
I am glad to read your story, you have a realistic and balanced view of the life in Cuba.
The real life is not in the resorts. A relation with a Cuban man can work, if he's not the jinetero, gigolo type. There are several good mixed marriages in Cuba, but also bad relations, don't underestimate the Latin Macho culture in Cuba. You speak Spanish and he speaks English, this is a great advantage, good communication is essential. Notwithstanding this I want to point to possible pitfalls.
1) A problem you will face is that a long distance relation rarely works, so eventualy you have to decide on a permanent living in Cuba. To get a permanent residence in Cuba, you must be married to a Cuban citizen.
2) You have to consider the financial consequences. Like most Cubans, he has to struggle to meet ends, can he support a family with 15-20 Cuc? Can you live in his house? Many Cubans live together with their parents or family. Does he has to support his family? (father, mother) In Cuba your family is your social security!
3) What are you going to do? Forget a job in Cuba, for a foreigner it's almost impossible. Next year the government will layoff 500,000 workers!
4) You will need a financial buffer, a nest-egg (preferably abroad) in case you want to visit relatives in the UK, don't underestimate this. Living for years in Cuba is different than a period of 3-4 months. I have seen foreigners going broke in Cuba, and without money their marriage too!
5) But finally, if it is your dream, go for it, there are foreigners that live a happy life in Cuba!