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Stop Moaning! About Love in Cuba

by bernhard

Hello there.
I visited cuba many times and I am actually in love with a cuban girl. She's probably a bit "un-cuban", that means quite serious and thoughtful - she doesn't even drink alcohol. Anyway...many posts I've read just show how blue eyed we Europeans, Canadians...run into trouble. I wonder what decisions WE would make, if we'd earn € 15-20 a month.
Europeans cheat in their countries in many ways, businesswise or whatsoever and I bet we would be the first to do the jinetero/a job in a similar situation.
Money counts. I come from a wealthy Austrian city where you can see many rich "papis" with their young (austrian) girlfriends… what’s the difference…? Nothing but the fact that the Austrian jineteras would probabyl not support their family at home.

Back to cuba: I've learnt how much Cubans are pushed into dating foreigners by their families and because family counts the most in this country (more as a safety net as because of „family-love“), they will do so. We find that totally immoral which is probably true but that question is a kind of luxury many cubans cannot afford. A beautiful son/daughter often is seen as an opportunity for the family (watch the little cuban girls practise to walk cuban style… ). Next, even between Cubans, those who HAVE count the most.

Cubans also pay Cubans for sex! Which leads to the same problem "we" are facing: I have seen a cuban guy into tears fearing that his Cuban girlfriend loved him just because of the monthly paycheck he receives from his mother who lives in Miami.
Another story: the sister of my girlfriend once shouted at me in a restaurant in Santiago (pointing at a group of Swiss ladies "in their best ages" with young cuban men) how unfair it was, that a European lady ("muy fea!") is able to come to cuba anytime she likes and "steal" young cubans... I can promise you, she meant it just like that.
For those who fall in love with Cuban girls/boys or ladies/men (don't forget, there are many attractive loveable women and men in their fourties and fifties as well!) here are my advices:

1. Learn Spanish and TALK with him/her – and doubt as much as you would doubt at home.
2. Stay with him/her in cuba.
3. Don't be silly - look in the mirror (and at the age mentioned in your passport). If your "re an old bag, why don't you look for a cuban equivalent - I bet you would have the time of your life. Concerning my future plans: the family’s padrino told me (while laughing loud) the last time I saw him: „don’t come back to cuba or come back and marry! But remember: if you come back again without marrying your girlfriend like you did many times, your balls will fall off!“.
I just love this very strong culture…

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Sep 19, 2013
A business relationship
by: Mr. Z

As long as all parties know this is just a business relationship, no harm done. I'm hoping man who is fat and almost 70 knows that two women less than half his age are in it for the cash. If they are all saying their in love, than the guy will be taken for as much as they can get and left with a broken heart. But I'm sure everyone involved is getting a good deal. The women are trading services for cash and gifts, and the guy is paying for "companionship". Since nobody is able to talk some sense into this guy, he's obviously alone and likely needs these women more than they need him. So let sleeping dogs lie.

Sep 18, 2013
Finding love in Holguin
by: Anonymous

My male friend, yes, fat.. aged 68 has two girlfriends in Cuba, her age? 33 and the other 36. He thinks the Cubanas are in love with him....he sends them money on a regular basis and in return, they email him cooing words of love and constant reminders of their need for $$$ for one reason or another. Then he books into the all inclusive resorts every 3 months for a week where he is allowed to have a "guest"...is this any way to have a relationship?

Jul 29, 2013
Many people still believe in love
by: Mr. Z

On my first trip to Cuba, I went with my girlfriend. I thought we were in love. We were both in our early 40s, she about 2 years older than me. We were independent, bought our own tickets, split everything 50/50, were equals. It turns out I was more in love with her than she was with me. For some reason, she became very jealous of my ex, who I speak to only in relation to our children. My ex is a horrible woman, became obese after our first child was born, lazy, refused to contribute to the children, me, house... and eventually refused to work period. Somehow, my slim, pretty girlfriend was jealous of her and thought I was still having sex with my ex. She broke up with me on our vacation in Cuba. That is when I saw my Cuban jinetera. I was hurt by the breakup and rebounded very fast. I knew she was young, but had no idea that she was literally half my age. She spoke no English (or so she claimed) but I gave her my contact info a few minutes before I left for the airport to return home. We emailed over several months and I returned to see her and we had sex within minutes.

I fooled myself into thinking she was attracted to my muscular body, looks, height, and by the fact that I was a devoted father who shared many photos of my children and me with her. Also, she complained that Cuban men have sex for a few minutes and then leave or sleep, and I kept her happy for hours every day, she almost always being the initiator. But she was attracted to my money. I thought we'd be married, she'd come back with me, we'd have a child and live happily ever after. But I learned she had no intention of coming with me or having a child (likely because she already had a Cuban novio that would go crazy if she were pregnant.

I didn't plan to fall in love, but I did. After I broke it off, I thought I'd have better luck with a woman in her 30s (I didn't want a woman my age because I was still hoping to have another child), but all I found were girls between 15 and 24. The few women I spoke to that were in their late 20s or early 30s alredy had a child and at least one divorce, and weren't interested in another child. Also, the older women all seemed to be smokers, and I can't be with a smoker, especially because I wanted another child, but also because I think it's disgusting and smelly and anyone who can do that to their bodies can't be intelligent or have any self-control or self-respect. So I gave up on Cuba and luckily found a wonderful woman here. She is beautiful, intelligent, hard working, a devoted mother, slim, loves sex and two years younger than me. I hope I finally found my happily ever after and that the others here do too, but I doubt it will be with a young Cuban. Good luck.

Sep 22, 2010
Jiniteros Now Target Women on Worlwide Net
by: Kelly - Nova Scotia

You see them on Facebook and on Couch Surfing when most Cuban do not have access to the net.

One particular hustler - Rodolfo has managed to get a German with a face like Miss Piggy from the Mjuppets who operate his page on Couch surfing.

'He surfed Me For Two Weeks' she states as an endorsement on his CS page.

Clearly besotted and expecting some poor woman to be duped into flying him out of Cuba so she can 'Surf him' in Hessen.

But the jinitero Rodolfo already has a wife novia and daughter in Havana. What he fails to tell C.Surfers lured by Kxxxx, is that he is over an hour outside of Havana so backpackers have to fork out 30 cuc to get there.

He is continually arrested when he 'guides' them round Havana. It would be far cheaper for them to book into a casa for 20 cuc.

But Rodolfo's cheesy grin beams out from his C.S. page inviting to host naive Couch Surfers to his home, in the hope he can dupe onoe of them to fly him to Canada, Europe or anywhere out of Cuba.

Meanwhile Ms Piggy lives in hope in Hessen.

You could'nt make it up, but it's the bitter truth of the lengths Cuban con men will go to to play the Yuma.

Jul 30, 2010
Not 'Motivation' Other Than Love.
by: Franz

I sense a note of cynicism Bernhard.

There was absolutely no 'motivation' on my wife's part other than love for each other.

We are each other's best friends. And money has never played a part in our relationship.

She could earn more than me in Germany.

But she chose to work as a nursery assistant so as to have more time for our sons.

I am a fire fighter, so she hardly married me for my money.

You suggested she was 'older' than me.

No, she is actually three years older than me.

She was always happy to stay in Camaguey and was not in any way keen to move to Germany, but did so for my sake.

Jul 30, 2010
Found My Beautiful Cuban Wife online - No money involved.
by: Franz from Dusseldorf

I met my lovely wife online.

She worked as a research assistant in a scientific lab. in Camaguey and had access to the internet.

We chatted for almost a year and really got to know each other. So when we met we were really in love.

She would never accept one Euro from me, ever.

She is a wonderful woman with a sense of pride and dignity, kind caring and real.

So I can understand why the other posters feel disgust at how some men (and women) see Cubans as ready to sell their bodies to tourists with money. That is so denegrading to Cubans who are really lovely people.

My wife moved to Dusseldorf where we married and now have two beautful sons.

She gave up her career in science to work in a nursery so as to have more time raising our children.

We are blissfuly happy, we return to Cuba each year but send only a few days with her family, we found it to be most expensive than staying at a hotel. Then we book into a beach hotel for two weeks.

Bernhard I feel you are going about finding 'love' in the wrong way. True love does not have a price, it is priceless, without cost.

I hope you manage to find what I have one day. True Love with a genuine Cuban lady.

Jul 30, 2010
She Will Play You Bernhard - Like Her Other Men.
by: |David

Bernhard I am sending you the definition of Jinitera or Prostitute as stated in my dictionary:

'Prostitution is the act or practice of providing sexual services to another person in return for payment. Persons who execute such activity are called prostitutes'.

You are being played.

You go on about 8cuc a month. That is not the case, you are truly living in fanatasy land.

A good Jinitera can net more than you at the end of the month. I have seen it in Santiago. A waitress or room maid can earn tax free 500 cuc at the end of the month.

Cubans receive free health care free education and housing. they are not as hard up as you make them out to be.

I married a Jintera. She stayed in contact with her Cuban man behind my back

She played the game until her papers cam through. She then took me to court and I lose my house and nearly ever dime I have saved for my retirement and my son's future inheritance.

So a word of caution to you. Do not believe a word of what she or her family are telling you. They see you as a patsy, a cash cow, a walking ATM.

If you really care for her and love her, have her watched. You will find a local who will tell you what she really gets up to for a few CUC.

Be careful, protect your assets, as Vic says you need to keep a sane head on your shoulders. Do not loose your heart and your common sense.

From my personal experience the Jinitera is playing way more than you, at the very least ten men at a time who visit at various times throughout the year.

Jul 30, 2010
To Friends2
by: Anonymous

First of all I have never gone to Cuba looking for a man. I am married and have travelled there with my wife and children.

What disgusts me is your assumption and also the assumption of the OP is that all Cubans are out to sell their body, which clearly is not the case.

They seem to think that sex with locals is part of their package to Cuba.

I am disgusted by the behaviour of fellow Canadians whenever we travel to Varadero.

You see them drinking and chain smoking and chasing young Cuban men, These ugly fat fifty somethings think that men half their age can be purchased for the price of a mean or 10CUC.

That to be is truly disgustng and denegrading to the Cuban people who have to struggle by on low wages.

By your friends playing along with this behaviour and buying them pizzas as some form of payment only adds to the vulgar behaviour of certain types of tourists.

We have wtnessed men like Bernhard who pay women for sex, and turn them into prostitutes. They are not helping Cuban or it's people, but pushing the clock back to the days of slavery and poverty. They are defiling Cuban women who do not love them but are selling their bodies and being forced into prostitution.]

And those girls are never faithfull, if the men think so they are deluded. They all have local boyfriends.

Would you want your daughter sleeping with some fat old foreinger for $10?.

Would you not be disgusted if that happened?.

Why are young Cuban women any different and why should they be defiled and denegraded by vile foreign men?.

Jul 29, 2010
reply to anonymous
by: friends2

All I can say to your message is that you are easily disgusted, if what I wrote did not lie well with you.
I am not going to defend what I wrote, but I have been to Cuba many times, and will always continue to go, you have your opinion which I respect, the same as I have mine.

We are entitled to our opinions, and whether we agree or not, its our choice, and btw I am not saying these things because of my 2 friends who got stung, and no I havent been stung, or scammed by a cuban, or let down in love either by a cuban, I am too wise to thier ways, or should I say 98% of them.lol

It seems you are one of the lucky ones, and fair play to you, and hope things continue to work out for you.

Jul 29, 2010
respond to your comments
by: bernhard

this discussion is too much painting black and white. girls who receive money are whores or jineteras, love is tainted, as soon as money is involved...i am a client coz i support the life of someone who earns 8 CUC a month (plus the overwhelming social benefits from the cuban state)...and yes! sex is involved! (many many brilliant experiences apart from that as well by the way...). this is the classic "first-world-middle-class-mindset". its moral and insufficient. i feel sorry for people who were abused but i feel even more sorry for people who think they found the "code" of another culture. better stay with your tribe then, coz i can tell you cuba might be a bit more "lively" than other countries, the principles elsewhere are the same.

Jul 29, 2010
Not All Cuban Are Prostitutes Friends2
by: Anonymous

I read your comments with disgust and I feel you do not know Cubans well, nor have you travelled around Cuba as I have.

I can see where you are coming from by your generalisaton. You went to a resort and met a pair on con men who kept asking you and your friends to buy them pizzas and they scammed you by ordering twice that many and expectng you and your friends to pay for them.

Well that was a resort. Places like Varadero attracts hustlers and con men. Resort staff actually pay hotel managers to let them work there so they can access people like you.

Let me tell you they are not representative of every Cuban.

Not all Cubans are whores or con artists. Though it might seem that way if you have only been to Varadero or Guardalavaca or Santiago which does have a high proportion of whores, male and female.

Jul 29, 2010
Friends 2 you Are Right!
by: Carla

You're right but it does not make it 'Right'.

And btw you cannot categorise all Cubans in the ame way Not all of them are selling their bodies you know.

Not all expect a Yuma to maintain them and their family.

I know what you are referring to, how thousands of Canadians flock to Cuba laden with soaps toothpaste, leave tips every day for well paid room maids who most likely ear more than them.

I have seen the 60 year old men who in their mind think they are George Clooney and their young wooman is playing them and has a Cuban boyfriend and many other Yumas as soon as he returns home.

It seems that Bernhard is trying to convince us as much as himself that his jinetera loves him.

My advise would be to do what I have seen other men like him do.

Pay someone you trust to follow her, give a Cuban him a cheap camera or cellphone with camera.

Only then will be have peace of mind.

I spoke to a Canadian guy who had been stung by a devious jinetera he had married. She cheated but not before cleaning him out of his home and his life savings.

He now has another woman in Holguin. Once bitten as they say. He pays a friend there to keep an eye on her.

But what a way to have a relationship. It is sad. Perhaps Bernhard should do the same if he wants peace of mind. Or any man who has a relationship in Cuba, or woman for that matter.

Yourself included Friends2. :)

Because You never know!.

Jul 28, 2010
response to carla and bernard
by: friends2

Bless him, Bernard is in love, and great while it lasts, but please dont believe that you have found the 'one' she might be 'the one', and I really wish you well.
you posted... {{{{ I wonder what decisions WE would make, if we'd earn ? 15-20 a month}}}}......

You know the answer to your own question....

Carla has it spot on on what she says, but I do disagree with this comment...{{{{{ But they have dignity. why take away that dignity by paying for sex which is what you are doing.You take away that dignity when you purchase sex.

You seem to think love can be bought. Well it cannot. }}}}} .....

Sorry Carla, but you can buy a Cuban for peanuts, its sad I know, but they have learned from the masters.
They are such a lovely race/ such a good looking race, but they can be bought, you know why?, because silly people and I wont mention where they come from have ruined these lovely people to give thier bodies/heart/sex to the yumas, they come over bearing gifts, ie shampoo/toothpaste, but fast forward a few years, sod shampoo/toothpaste, they want mobile phones, dvds etc, and who's fault is that???

Every cuban, or at least 98% are Actors, and are waiting for the chance to improve their lives, and if it means shagging (to put it bluntly) (apologies Vic for being so blunt) a 60 year old, then so be it.
They have been this made this way by us, the Yumas, and we should hang our heads in shame, as we have corrupted these people and have made them into the scam artists that they have become.

Jul 28, 2010
Money Matters In YOUR Relatonmship Not All!
by: Carla

I can see you are trying to justify the fact that you are fuelling this relatonship with CUC sent from Austria. It's as if you want us to say 'Oh Sure Bernardt She Loves You'.

No one is going to tell you that because...

You are maintaining her family and your g/friend.

That is fine.

You've purchased her.

No one is judging you. It is your choice and more fool you.

However you must not generalise and assume that all relationships between foreigners and Cubans are the same as yours. They are not.

I would never send money to a Cuban man. I would never feel I have to maintain a Cuban.

You say that money matters in all relationships. Why?

Whatever happened to equal partnership?.

Ok they are earning pesos Cubanos.

But they have dignity. why take away that dignity by paying for sex which is what you are doing.You take away that dignity when you purchase sex.

You seem to think love can be bought. Well it cannot.

Cubans have pride, they also have free housing, free education, fee food rations and free healthcare.

They do not do too badly, and many are dealing with the black market on top of that.

So do not give me the 'Papi' B.S. I saw too much of that in Santiago. The elderly foreign Yuma and the Jinitera smiling at him sweetly not because she loved her 'Papi' but because his Diviso.

For those on here who do not understand that it means his Money!.

If you treat Cuban woman like a prostitute you take away their dignity.

Stop sendng her and her family money and you will see how long she will stick around!.

Jul 28, 2010
response to carla
by: bernhard

carla, i agree to what you are saying but let me ad a view comments: for more than ¾ of the worlds population money DOES count in a relationship. its our reality whether we like it or not. we CAN choose partners that are independent and affection is the only thing that matters. they mostly cannot. i?ve been travelling in this world in more or less free and democratic states for over ten years, at least two or three times a year. still i believe strongly that love is possible with cubans (like with sri lankans, indians, mexicans?), more than it appears to be if you go through the experiences posted here. i tried to step into my girlfriends world, lived on peso cubano, learnt spanish and ? equally important ? dancing. you have to attract them as much as you would do at home. is that a surprise? no. talk hard about your fears and concerns, then you do get different response! all that is impossible if you are not on the same level, meaning age. what should a grown up man from europe discuss with a chica aged 19? sing her favourite reggaeton song with her while moving his hips? discuss politics or the difference between brunello 2003 and 2004? how could someone ever believe that this would work out well? beside that, the papi&chica thing is prostitution, what they receive is compensation for personal suffering. but: i?ve met very charming couples, he (european) probably 55 and she (cuban)40, relaxed, in love, strolling around in old havanna, from museum to restaurant? how cool is that. i bet they have both so much to give. that is what i meant with old bag, look for an old bag as well ?and be happy. i have never been to varadero but as far as i can say, outside of havanna and santiago you don?t get to see too much papis and lolitas. go to bayamo (ok, ist quite boring) and spend a nite in a discotek there. beside normal conversation, some flirting and lots of fun nothing will happen unless you start the game or let it happen. the same in the streets. cubans in the average have only very little to do with the jinetero/a cliché.

Jul 28, 2010
I Do Not Agree With You
by: Alice

Bernhard you make a sweeping generalisaton when you say ..'I guess we all would play the Jinitera game in their situaton"

No, we would not. No circumstances are ever so bad that a man or woman cannot get a job. When I hear the same excuse being used by prostitutes in my country I have absolutely no sympathy for them. There is always work, whether it be waitressing, cleaning, factory work, childcare etc.

There is dignity in work.

No one ever has to sell their body or become a 'Jintero/Jinitera' in order to survive.Not in Cuba, not anywhere!.

When I see older women with young men who are clearly Jiniteras I feel sorry for them I feel these women are in denial.

They are clearly fooling themselves that the man they paying for loves them.

Love never enters the equasion.Same applies to foreign men with young Cuban Jiniteras.

And they are starting younger, yours is still at school.

No Cuban needs to be a Jinitera. There is always work.

No foreigner needs to send money to a Cuban. If you do then you are being used.

I have a Cuban friend. He knows I would walk away if he ever dared ask me for money, he would lose me.

I think it all comes down to self esteem. Would you allow yourself to be used or valued for the person they love. And how will you know they genuinely love you if you are purchasing their affection.

As the previous poster stated. Not all Cubans are parasites.

Many of them have dignity and would never accept money from a foreigner.

Love should never have a price tag!.

There is a name for such practise and it's the oldest profession in the world.

Jul 28, 2010
by: Response To Bernhard

Bernhard you seem like a good man, well meaning, if somewhat naive.

Have you not been reading the lovely Vic's sound words of advice.When money is involved a relationship is always questionable.

If you were an unemployed labourer with no money to send your g/friend how long would she remain with you?.

How do you really know that the apartment is being built?. I would find another contact to check this out, have them take pictures and send them to you.

I dislike the way you refer to women as 'Old Bags'.

From my travels in Cuba there are far more old Codgers with very young girls. 70 year old Italian grandfathers with young Afrocuban teenagers, it is just prostitution and child exploitation.

I have seen elderly obese Canadian women at resorts with men young enough to be their sons.

It's sad and they are fooling themselves. Do they really think those young men are with them through love or even attraction?.

I know an elderly woman who works as a travel editor on Elle. She is very plain, 50 and has flown her dreadlocked gigolo from Santiago to London at enormous expense. She keeps him pays his way.

This layabout has not worked in 10 years, he's out every night at clubs she is home with their 10 year old daughter. He never worked in Santiago. More fool her. She is plain and most likely knows that her marriage is a financial transaction nothing more. She purchased him.

I wish you well but be careful!.

Not all are parasites in Cuba but many are.

Jul 28, 2010
response to bill
by: Anonymous

ok sir?first of all, i?m 33 years old without one single grey hair?and guess what, i?m quite good looking. our difference in age is the same as between her parents?she finds that perfectly right. my opinion that elder tourists would find ?truer? love if they would meet charming cuban women in their thirties and fourties is (for me) proven by some ?examples? i learnt. i didn?t invite my girlfriend to my country because she wouldn?t like to live here. the language german is hard to learn (you need to pass a cruel test to get a permanent residence, even if you are married) and the mentality is very very much different, apart from the fact that she?s catching a cold when the temperature goes below 25°C and we do have almost 4 months with temperatures well below 0°C. austria is not spain or italy! i know some cubans who live in austria and they struggled a lot at the beginning, so? the most important thing is, she would die from missing her family. for now, this in not an option, let?s see, what the future brings. my wallet?yes i do send money (about 5% of my salary) every month, about the half goes to my girlfriend ? who as a student earns 8 CUC a month ? the rest goes to the family. and if if all goes well two new rooms will be ready built and furnished when i return.

Jul 28, 2010
Who Are You Kidding? Only Yourself!.
by: Bill

You refer to ladies of a certain age and suggest they look in the mirror.

But have you looked in the mirror. Have you been honest with yourself?.

If you had the cojones to invite your Cuban girlfriend to Austria how long would she stay with you?. You have though about that. This is why you have not invited her there.

You have not revealed your age though you talk disparigingly of 40 and 50 year old women referring to them as an 'Old Bags'.

No doubt they would refer to you as a 'Dirty Old Man'.

I have seen many dirty old men like you on my travels around Cuba. Sllver haired pot bellied grandads with beautiful women young enough to be their grandaughter.

They think they're Brad Pitt and they look pathetic!.

I saw one such old boy with a 15 year old. It was bordering on pedophilia more than a relationship.

So do not kid yourself. You're not kidding anyone on here.

You know and we know your Cuban 'girlfriend' is only with you for your wallet.If you were a peniless unemployed Austrian you would not see her heels for dust.

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